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For Crying Out Loud
For Crying Out Loud
Dec 6, 2025 5:02 AM

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

For Crying Out Loud

The publication of The World According to Clarkson in 2004 launched a multi-million-copy bestselling phenomenon. But to no avail.

Jeremy's one-man war on crimes against common sense has not yet been won. And our hero's still scratching his head at the madness of it all. But it's not all bad. He's learned a little along the way, including:

Why binge drinking is good for you

The worst word in the English language

The remarkable secret of eternal youth

The pleasure and pain of middle-aged drumming

The problem with America

And how to dispose of a seal

For anyone who's ever been driven to wonder just what is the matter with people these days, For Crying Out Loud is the perfect riposte. Surprising, fearless and always laugh-out-loud funny, Clarkson's back. And he's got a point . . .

Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the associated Kent Newspapers, and Lincolnshire Life. Today he is the tallest person working in British television.

Reviews

Praise for Clarkson

—— -

Brilliant...laugh-out-loud

—— Daily Telegraph

On any page you'll find a blinder

—— The Times

Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the Tube

—— Andrew Neather (Environment columnist) , Evening Standard

Outrageously funny...will have you in stitches

—— Time Out

Shelley’s speechifying, lonely, Miltonic monster remains one of the greatest characters in all of literature… The book may also be the greatest meditation on birth I have ever read

—— Siri Hustvedt , The Week

Frankenstein launched an entire genre of dystopian fiction, and a legacy of horror at the consequences of unbridled experimentation

—— Daily Telegraph

Shelley’s speechifying, lonely, Miltonic monster remains one of the greatest characters in all of literature… The book may also be the greatest meditation on birth I have ever read.

—— Siri Hustvedt , The Week

A novel reflecting with perfect comedy and horrible tragedy exactly what America feels like right this minute. I barked with laughter, at the same time as wincing in pain. Shteyngart has held up a mirror to American culture that is so accurate and so devastating... Stupendous

—— Elizabeth Gilbert

Lake Success is a genial and warm-hearted book...a virtuoso piece of work, full of brilliant noticings...an unhysterical novel about a hysterical country at a hysterical time - the work of a novelist who believes in the power of fiction to illuminate out shared world.

—— Literary Review

Shteyngart does slapstick as well as ever, but he stakes out new terrain in the expert way he develops his characters' pathos.... A stylish, big-hearted novel. Shteyngart made his name as a sharp satirist, and he'll undoubtedly widen his appeal with this effort

—— Publisher's Weekly

The satirical layering is masterful. Dark - so dark - yet delicious.

—— Esquire

Lake Success is undeniably enjoyable, rattling along with good jokes and sharp set pieces, and shot through with Shteyngart's good-natured melancholy.

—— The Times

Referencing classic novels like The Great Gatsby and On the Road, Shteyngart whips up a novel that's part-satire and part-comedy of manners, humanising the super-rich while casting a critical eye over their world. It's funny, cutting, but above all compassionate

—— The Herald Magazine

Shteyngart's comic energy is well deployed on the ridiculously rich, especially amid Trump's campaign and his election by, perhaps, many Greyhound riders.

—— Daily Mail

What a novel! Ambitious and wonderfully achieved. A book to read again and again

—— Michael Morpurgo, bestselling author of War Horse

Definitely - HIGHLY - worth the read!

—— Seth Meyers

Staggeringly ambitious, innovative, beautifully written... The Porpoise has the pace of a really good thriller, but combined with a subtlety and depth that few thrillers possess

—— Pat Barker

A full-throttle blast of storytelling mastery. I read it on the plane in a single sitting at 30,000 feet and enjoyed every second. Gorgeously written and very clever, but also such fun! Ancient and modern overlap and tangle in exhilarating ways, it’s like romping through a Literary Netflix: an episode of something historical and bloody, then something slick and contemporary, then something really weird and unnerving. So many pleasures in one book. The Porpoise is a joy to read

—— Max Porter

There is storytelling of such primacy in Mark Haddon’s The Porpoise, that when I turned the last page, I was left completely elated. A gorgeous, enlivening experience. It is also one that insistently asks: how? How did all this add up to something so sublime? How, with all its subtle slips, and stunningly weird passages, could this strange, beautiful book feel so finely composed? It is disarmingly wild. And the story itself, in which the myth of Appolonius, remixed as Pericles by Shakespeare and George Wilkins, is again turned inside out, thrown backward and forward, and hurled against oceans (in an act of imaginative heroism by the author), invites us to understand something Haddon always has, which is that even stories as old as this one can remain relevant to our current moment. Especially if they are told with this much originality and conviction

—— Guy Gunaratne , Goldsmiths Prize

Mark Haddon cuts right down to the grittiness of humanity every time he writes. The Porpoise is a beautiful, unputdownable, ancient tangle with its own sweeping tides and dangerous depths

—— Daisy Johnson

It's hard to describe just how much tremendous joy and pleasure there is on every page

—— Charlotte Higgins

Haddon deftly adapts this ancient myth for the 21st century to illuminate a timeless, ugly truth about how the violent appetites of men strip women of their agency

—— Esquire

Beguiling yet unsettling

—— Eithne Farry , Daily Mail

A fantastical narrative that involves rampaging pirates, ghost women and princesses...Bold

—— Andrea Martin , Heat

This gripping and evocative novel questions the nature of the stories we tell ourselves and others

—— UK Press Syndication

A rollicking fantastical narrative

—— i

A wild adventure...full of splendid incident... There is much to enjoy in this novel -- the liveliness of Haddon's imagination and the virtuosity of his style

—— Allan Massie , The Scotsman

[The Porpoise] achieve[s] the truly Shakespearean feat of simultaneously conveying disgust at the darkest aspects of human behaviour and relishing them, making the reader feel horribly – and deliciously – complicit

—— Jake Kerridge , Sunday Express

Stamped with the same bold and original imagination… Haddon’s mash-up of myth and history may have a fantastical feel, but once the reader has adjusted to his exuberant originality they will find prose on every page that is pure joy

—— Jane Thynne , Tablet, *Novel of the Week*

Haddon writes with wrenching beauty about how the world inflicts itself on the disadvantaged... It's a testament to Haddon's prodigious gifts as a storyteller that this strange, epic adventure is so compulsively readable

—— Nicholas Mancusi , Time Magazine

A strange, tangled web of a story, drawing on ancient mythology and expanding into time travel… this innovative novel offers escapes into multiple worlds

—— Culture Whisper

Irresistible storytelling that slides between the present day and a mythic realm… A heady delight

—— Guardian, *Summer Reads of 2019*

The novel draws on Shakespeare and Greek legend, and is the sort of mile-a-minute adventure you can get lost in for hours without realising

—— ShortList, *Summer Reads of 2019*

[The Porpoise] confirms the sense of a gifted writer letting his talent off the leash at last… Mind-bending yet marvellously readable, it stakes Haddon’s claim to be one of the best writers in Britain right now

—— Daily Mail, *Summer reads of 2019*

Haddon conveys all this with startling granularity: the stinking, seething Jacobean London traversed by the ghosts of Wilkins and Shakespeare… Haddon's novel creates, throughout, a looming sense that something very bad but not quite perceptible is in the process of unfolding: a terrible half-glimpsed fate that the characters are powerless to resist

—— Adam Smyth , London Review of Books

The Porpoise begins as a page-turning thriller and soon shifts into something slippery and strange – but remains propulsive throughout

—— New Statesman

Mark Haddon’s best novel yet. The Porpoise begins as a propulsive thriller…and segues into a classical-world adventure that reinvents the story of Pericles in prose of a hallucinatory vividness

—— Justine Jordan , Guardian, *Books of the Year*

The Porpoise reworks legend with the compelling force of a thriller

—— Lindsey Hilsum , Observer, *Books of the Year*

[An] exquisite retelling of Shakespeare’s Pericles

—— Claire Allfree , Daily Mail, *Books of the Year*

Thrilling, dramatic and exquisitely written, The Porpoise combines myth and reality to enthralling effect

—— Jane Shilling , Daily Mail

Vuong…[is] a keen anthropologist of the contemporary American experience.

—— Jessica Loudis , Times Literary Supplement

A beautiful novel full of raw feelings.

—— Laura Waddell , Scotsman

[A] phosphorescent debut novel… Vuong layers past and present brilliantly in a shifting series of brief episodes and striking mood-musings from within the mind of his protagonist… the hyperreality of Little Dog’s self-awareness is always a delight.

—— Mark Hudson , Tablet

Staggering, sensual and poetic

—— Pandora Sykes

[A] stunning debut… Ocean Vuong crafts lyrical, masterful prose in this emotionally-powerful piece of story telling. On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is sure to stay with readers long after they have put the novel down.

—— Eastern Daily Press

A brutally honest exploration of race, class, and masculinity.

—— Asian Art Newspaper, *Books of the Year*

A tender exploration of violence, migration and language.

—— Justine Jordan , Guardian, *Books of the Year*

This romantic, lusciously written debut lingers over kisses.

—— Robbie Millen and James Marriot , The Times, *Books of the Year*

A magical synthesis of memoir, fiction and poetry.

—— Joyce Carol Oates , Times Literary Supplement, *Books of the Year*

So very full of beauty and power. Also, grace.

—— Tommy Orange , Observer, *Books of the Year*

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong is a stunning, relentless work of pure passion and I was captivated from the go.

—— Úna-Minh Kavanagh , Sunday Independent *Books of the Year*

A story that is deeply relatable, understandable and can find common currency with us all. He uses his differences to connect us, to show the links that bind us, to explore violence, masculinity, poverty and yearning… you’ll quickly get carried away by his undercurrents into spaces and places you’d perhaps never thought of exploring or even realised existed.

—— Gscene

Vuong’s gift lies in his ability to write with beautiful specificity while digging into the wounds of immigration, culture, queerness and memory. I’ve read many very good books in 2019 but none have obliterated me like On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous.

—— Katie Goh , Skinny, *Books of the Year*

Ocean Vuong is a magician with words. When he writes, it's as if language itself is dancing. On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous is… a brutally honest exploration of race, class and masculinity. This debut novel is a luminous, mesmerising gift.

—— attitude, *Books of the Year*

Astounding.

—— Malin Hay , Upcoming

Vuong jettisons the prose for poetic verse, with Roland Barthes, Duchamp’s Fountain and queer love all collapsing into splintering lines of verse. Vuong’s sentences are so beautiful, sometimes I would say them over and over again in my head, hoping I might be able to trap them in there.

—— Annie Lord , Independent

[Vuong is] brilliant and so flexible with language and has such an understanding of what an emotion incarnate is, he is able to not condense it but to heighten it across languages, across countries, across codes as characters speak to one another. He's peerless.

—— Bryan Washington , Observer

[A] triumphant debut novel... On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous felt like a true masterpiece being crafted before my eyes, and I was devastated to see the novel draw to a close. I truly can't recommend this book highly enough - I don't remember the last time I was so floored after reading something that I had to take the rest of the day off speaking to family... a passionate, eye-opening journey, and is most certainly one to be added to your lockdown reading list.

—— Rebecca Scott , Glasgow Guardian

Beautifully written... Unlike anything I have read before

—— Ellie Down , Exeposé

An engrossing coming-of-age story.

—— Mariella Frostrup , Sunday Times

[Vuong] is an author of incredible and magical talent, with many of his paragraphs reading like the most beautiful poetry... An absolute must-read

—— Glamour

Raw, lyrical and at times hearth-wrenching, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous is a book of real beauty

—— i

For a long time after I read this, I could still feel the impact of his story. On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous is an experience that you need to have.

—— DIVA

I read the novel On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong while on tour and the language often stopped me in my tracks... powerful.

—— Dua Lipa , Guardian, *Summer Reads of 2023*

Inventive... [On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous] just stops you as a reader to marvel at the beautifully constructed narrative

—— Art Newspaper
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