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Dial M For Merde
Dial M For Merde
Jul 27, 2025 10:46 PM

Author:Stephen Clarke

Dial M For Merde

Paul West has just received an offer he can't refuse:

_________________

Two weeks in the sun.

All expenses paid.

With a beautiful blonde called Gloria Monday.

But it soon becomes obvious that Gloria, or M as she likes to be known, has bigger fish to fry.

Meanwhile Paul is asked to cater his best friend’s wedding. Cooking for the French is a risky assignment at the best of times, but Paul assures the bride that nothing can go wrong.

Or can it?

When Paul discovers that M's real target is the French president, and that he's coming to Elodie's wedding, he realises that the merde is about to hit the fan...

Reviews

Done more for the Entente Cordiale than any of our politicians.

—— Daily Mail

Edgier than Bryson, hits harder than Mayle.

—— The Times

Must-have comedy-of-errors diary about being a Brit abroad.

—— Mirror

Combines the gaffes of Bridget Jones with the boldness of James Bond...Clarke's sharp eye for detail and relentless wit make even the most quotidian task seem surreal.

—— Publisher's Weekly

'Very clever madcap satire which has universal appeal. If you haven't tried him, this is a fun one to start with'

—— Today

Throughout the book Michelle de Krester's powerful imagination transmits an extraordinary energy to the narrative ... a remarkable achievement

—— Literary Review

Confident, meticulous plotting, her strong imagination and her precise, evocative prose. Like The Hamilton Case, The Lost Dog opens up rich vistas with its central idea and introduces the reader to a world beyond its fictional frontiers

—— Sunday Times

The Lost Dog is a haunted work, it's characters uneasy ... de Kretser's characterisations are beautifully achieved, with even minor figures vividly realised

—— TLS

Clever, engrossing novel... beautifully shaded

—— Metro

The richness of her prose and the deceptive simplicity of her storytelling make this novel deserving of repeated readings

—— Jo Caird , Sunday Telegraph Seven

Scattered throughout are brief dramas or anecdotes, involving a variety of odd and often funny characters

—— Lindsay Duguid , The Sunday Times

she writes humorously and touchingly about the less portentous garish kitsch and personal clutter that they bring with them

—— Isobel Montgomery , Guardian

Those childhood ghosts which linger into adulthood are sensitively conjured by Michelle de Kretser... This search for an animal becomes a ravishing search through the fears, hopes and attachments that make us human

—— Anita Sethi , Independent on Sunday

Told with subtlety

—— Nicola Barr , Guardian

Rose Tremain is an old-fashioned writer, in the best of ways: we care about her characters' sorrows and hope for their happiness

—— Daily Telegraph

Tremain allows us to see our country's wonders and failings as if for the first time

—— Glamour

The Wodehouse wit should be registered at Police HQ as a chemical weapon

—— Kathy Lette

Witty and effortlessly fluid. His books are laugh-out-loud funny

—— Arabella Weir

The funniest writer ever to put words to paper

—— Hugh Laurie

The greatest comic writer ever

—— Douglas Adams

P.G. Wodehouse wrote the best English comic novels of the century

—— Sebastian Faulks

Sublime comic genius

—— Ben Elton

You don't analyse such sunlit perfection, you just bask in its warmth and splendour

—— Stephen Fry
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