Book Six: 1808-10 - Chapter XXVI

by Leo Tolstoy

　　In the middle of the summer Princess Mary received an unexpectedletter from Prince Andrew in Switzerland in which he gave herstrange and surprising news. He informed her of his engagement toNatasha Rostova. The whole letter breathed loving rapture for hisbetrothed and tender and confiding affection for his sister. Hewrote that he had never loved as he did now and that only now did heunderstand and know what life was. He asked his sister to forgivehim for not having told her of his resolve when he had last visitedBald Hills, though he had spoken of it to his father. He had notdone so for fear Princess Mary should ask her father to give hisconsent, irritating him and having to bear the brunt of hisdispleasure without attaining her object. "Besides," he wrote, "thematter was not then so definitely settled as it is now. My father theninsisted on a delay of a year and now already six months, half of thatperiod, have passed, and my resolution is firmer than ever. If thedoctors did not keep me here at the spas I should be back in Russia,but as it is I have to postpone my return for three months. You knowme and my relations with Father. I want nothing from him. I havebeen and always shall be independent; but to go against his will andarouse his anger, now that he may perhaps remain with us such ashort time, would destroy half my happiness. I am now writing to himabout the same question, and beg you to choose a good moment to handhim the letter and to let me know how he looks at the whole matter andwhether there is hope that he may consent to reduce the term by fourmonths."

　　After long hesitations, doubts, and prayers, Princess Mary gavethe letter to her father. The next day the old prince said to herquietly:

　　"Write and tell your brother to wait till I am dead.... It won'tbe long- I shall soon set him free."

　　The princess was about to reply, but her father would not let herspeak and, raising his voice more and more, cried:

　　"Marry, marry, my boy!... A good family!... Clever people, eh? Rich,eh? Yes, a nice stepmother little Nicholas will have! Write and tellhim that he may marry tomorrow if he likes. She will be littleNicholas' stepmother and I'll marry Bourienne!... Ha, ha, ha! Hemustn't be without a stepmother either! Only one thing, no morewomen are wanted in my house- let him marry and live by himself.Perhaps you will go and live with him too?" he added, turning toPrincess Mary. "Go in heavens name! Go out into the frost... thefrost... the frost!

　　After this outburst the prince did not speak any more about thematter. But repressed vexation at his son's poor-spirited behaviorfound expression in his treatment of his daughter. To his formerpretexts for irony a fresh one was now added- allusions to stepmothersand amiabilities to Mademoiselle Bourienne.

　　"Why shouldn't I marry her?" he asked his daughter. "She'll make asplendid princess!"

　　And latterly, to her surprise and bewilderment, Princess Marynoticed that her father was really associating more and more withthe Frenchwoman. She wrote to Prince Andrew about the reception of hisletter, but comforted him with hopes of reconciling their father tothe idea.

　　Little Nicholas and his education, her brother Andrew, andreligion were Princess Mary's joys and consolations; but besides that,since everyone must have personal hopes, Princess Mary in theprofoundest depths of her heart had a hidden dream and hope thatsupplied the chief consolation of her life. This comforting dreamand hope were given her by God's folk- the half-witted and otherpilgrims who visited her without the prince's knowledge. The longershe lived, the more experience and observation she had of life, thegreater was her wonder at the short-sightedness of men who seekenjoyment and happiness here on earth: toiling, suffering, struggling,and harming one another, to obtain that impossible, visionary,sinful happiness. Prince Andrew had loved his wife, she died, but thatwas not enough: he wanted to bind his happiness to another woman.Her father objected to this because he wanted a more distinguished andwealthier match for Andrew. And they all struggled and suffered andtormented one another and injured their souls, their eternal souls,for the attainment of benefits which endure but for an instant. Notonly do we know this ourselves, but Christ, the Son of God, camedown to earth and told us that this life is but for a moment and isa probation; yet we cling to it and think to find happiness in it."How is it that no one realizes this?" thought Princess Mary. "Noone except these despised God's folk who, wallet on back, come to meby the back door, afraid of being seen by the prince, not for fearof ill-usage by him but for fear of causing him to sin. To leavefamily, home, and all the cares of worldly welfare, in order withoutclinging to anything to wander in hempen rags from place to placeunder an assumed name, doing no one any harm but praying for all-for those who drive one away as well as for those who protect one:higher than that life and truth there is no life or truth!"

　　There was one pilgrim, a quiet pockmarked little woman of fiftycalled Theodosia, who for over thirty years had gone about barefootand worn heavy chains. Princess Mary was particularly fond of her.Once, when in a room with a lamp dimly lit before the icon Theodosiawas talking of her life, the thought that Theodosia alone had foundthe true path of life suddenly came to Princess Mary with such forcethat she resolved to become a pilgrim herself. When Theodosia had goneto sleep Princess Mary thought about this for a long time, and at lastmade up her mind that, strange as it might seem, she must go on apilgrimage. She disclosed this thought to no one but to her confessor,Father Akinfi, the monk, and he approved of her intention. Under guiseof a present for the pilgrims, Princess Mary prepared a pilgrim'scomplete costume for herself: a coarse smock, bast shoes, a roughcoat, and a black kerchief. Often, approaching the chest of drawerscontaining this secret treasure, Princess Mary paused, uncertainwhether the time had not already come to put her project intoexecution.

　　Often, listening to the pilgrims' tales, she was so stimulated bytheir simple speech, mechanical to them but to her so full of deepmeaning, that several times she was on the point of abandoningeverything and running away from home. In imagination she alreadypictured herself by Theodosia's side, dressed in coarse rags,walking with a staff, a wallet on her back, along the dusty road,directing her wanderings from one saint's shrine to another, free fromenvy, earthly love, or desire, and reaching at last the place wherethere is no more sorrow or sighing, but eternal joy and bliss.

　　"I shall come to a place and pray there, and before having time toget used to it or getting to love it, I shall go farther. I will go ontill my legs fail, and I'll lie down and die somewhere, and shall atlast reach that eternal, quiet haven, where there is neither sorrownor sighing..." thought Princess Mary.

　　But afterwards, when she saw her father and especially little Koko(Nicholas), her resolve weakened. She wept quietly, and felt thatshe was a sinner who loved her father and little nephew more than God.