The Widow's Cruise

by Frank Stockton

  


What a treat to know one of our favorite authors, Mary E. Wilkins (Freeman) is read nightly by Widow Ducket (even if she isn't convinced of Wilkins' realistic characters). "When a sailorman lights his pipe he is generally willin' to talk, but when he is eatin' you can't get a word out of him." Who'd expect the best sea story to come from the widow herself?
The Widow's CruiseWinslow Homer, The Fisher Girl, 1894

  The Widow Ducket lived in a small village about ten milesfrom the New Jersey sea-coast. In this village she was born,here she had married and buried her husband, and here sheexpected somebody to bury her; but she was in no hurry for this,for she had scarcely reached middle age. She was a tall womanwith no apparent fat in her composition, and full of activity,both muscular and mental.She rose at six o'clock in the morning, cooked breakfast, setthe table, washed the dishes when the meal was over, milked,churned, swept, washed, ironed, worked in her little garden,attended to the flowers in the front yard, and in the afternoonknitted and quilted and sewed, and after tea she either went tosee her neighbors or had them come to see her. When it wasreally dark she lighted the lamp in her parlor and read for anhour, and if it happened to be one of Miss Mary Wilkins's booksthat she read she expressed doubts as to the realism of thecharacters therein described.These doubts she expressed to Dorcas Networthy, who was asmall, plump woman, with a solemn face, who had lived with thewidow for many years and who had become her devoted disciple.Whatever the widow did, that also did Dorcas--not so well,for her heart told her she could never expect to do that, butwith a yearning anxiety to do everything as well as she could.She rose at five minutes past six, and in a subsidiary way shehelped to get the breakfast, to eat it, to wash up the dishes, towork in the garden, to quilt, to sew, to visit and receive, andno one could have tried harder than she did to keep awake whenthe widow read aloud in the evening.All these things happened every day in the summertime, but inthe winter the widow and Dorcas cleared the snow from theirlittle front path instead of attending to the flowers, and in theevening they lighted a fire as well as a lamp in the parlor.The Widow's Cruise, Harriet Pettifore Brimms, Two women on the verandah, 1903 Sometimes, however, something different happened, but thiswas not often, only a few times in the year. One of thedifferent things occurred when Mrs. Ducket and Dorcas weresitting on their little front porch one summer afternoon, one onthe little bench on one side of the door, and the other on thelittle bench on the other side of the door, each waiting untilshe should hear the clock strike five, to prepare tea. But itwas not yet a quarter to five when a one-horse wagon containingfour men came slowly down the street. Dorcas first saw thewagon, and she instantly stopped knitting."Mercy on me!" she exclaimed. "Whoever those people are,they are strangers here, and they don't know where to stop, forthey first go to one side of the street and then to the other."The widow looked around sharply. "Humph!" said she. "Thosemen are sailormen. You might see that in a twinklin' of an eye.Sailormen always drive that way, because that is the way theysail ships. They first tack in one direction and then inanother.""Mr. Ducket didn't like the sea?" remarked Dorcas, for aboutthe three hundredth time."No, he didn't," answered the widow, for about the twohundred and fiftieth time, for there had been occasions when shethought Dorcas put this question inopportunely. "He hated it,and he was drowned in it through trustin' a sailorman, which Inever did nor shall. Do you really believe those men are comin'here?""Upon my word I do!" said Dorcas, and her opinion wascorrect.The wagon drew up in front of Mrs. Ducket's little whitehouse, and the two women sat rigidly, their hands in their laps,staring at the man who drove.This was an elderly personage with whitish hair, and underhis chin a thin whitish beard, which waved in the gentle breezeand gave Dorcas the idea that his head was filled with hair whichwas leaking out from below."Is this the Widow Ducket's?" inquired this elderly man, in astrong, penetrating voice."That's my name," said the widow, and laying her knitting onthe bench beside her, she went to the gate. Dorcas also laid herknitting on the bench beside her and went to the gate."I was told," said the elderly man, "at a house we touched atabout a quarter of a mile back, that the Widow Ducket's was theonly house in this village where there was any chance of me andmy mates getting a meal. We are four sailors, and we are makingfrom the bay over to Cuppertown, and that's eight miles aheadyet, and we are all pretty sharp set for something to eat.""This is the place," said the widow, "and I do give meals ifthere is enough in the house and everything comes handy.""Does everything come handy to-day?" said he."It does," said she, "and you can hitch your horse and comein; but I haven't got anything for him.""Oh, that's all right," said the man, "we brought alongstores for him, so we'll just make fast and then come in."The two women hurried into the house in a state of bustlingpreparation, for the furnishing of this meal meant one dollar incash.The four mariners, all elderly men, descended from the wagon,each one scrambling with alacrity over a different wheel.A box of broken ship-biscuit was brought out and put on theground in front of the horse, who immediately set himself toeating with great satisfaction.Tea was a little late that day, because there were sixpersons to provide for instead of two, but it was a good meal,and after the four seamen had washed their hands and faces at thepump in the back yard and had wiped them on two towels furnishedby Dorcas, they all came in and sat down. Mrs. Ducket seatedherself at the head of the table with the dignity proper to themistress of the house, and Dorcas seated herself at the other endwith the dignity proper to the disciple of the mistress. Noservice was necessary, for everything that was to be eaten ordrunk was on the table.When each of the elderly mariners had had as much breadand butter, quickly baked soda-biscuit, dried beef, cold ham,cold tongue, and preserved fruit of every variety known, as hisstorage capacity would permit, the mariner in command, CaptainBird, pushed back his chair, whereupon the other mariners pushedback their chairs."Madam," said Captain Bird, "we have all made a good meal,which didn't need to be no better nor more of it, and we'resatisfied; but that horse out there has not had time to resthimself enough to go the eight miles that lies ahead of us, so,if it's all the same to you and this good lady, we'd like to siton that front porch awhile and smoke our pipes. I was a-lookingat that porch when I came in, and I bethought to myself what arare good place it was to smoke a pipe in.""There's pipes been smoked there," said the widow, rising,"and it can be done again. Inside the house I don't allowtobacco, but on the porch neither of us minds."So the four captains betook themselves to the porch, two ofthem seating themselves on the little bench on one side of thedoor, and two of them on the little bench on the other side ofthe door, and lighted their pipes."Shall we clear off the table and wash up the dishes," saidDorcas, "or wait until they are gone?""We will wait until they are gone," said the widow, "for nowthat they are here we might as well have a bit of a chat withthem. When a sailorman lights his pipe he is generally willin'to talk, but when he is eatin' you can't get a word out of him."Without thinking it necessary to ask permission, for thehouse belonged to her, the Widow Ducket brought a chair andput it in the hall close to the open front door, and Dorcasbrought another chair and seated herself by the side of thewidow."Do all you sailormen belong down there at the bay?" askedMrs. Ducket; thus the conversation began, and in a few minutes ithad reached a point at which Captain Bird thought it proper tosay that a great many strange things happen to seamen sailing onthe sea which lands-people never dream of."Such as anything in particular?" asked the widow, at whichremark Dorcas clasped her hands in expectancy.At this question each of the mariners took his pipe from hismouth and gazed upon the floor in thought."There's a good many strange things happened to me and mymates at sea. Would you and that other lady like to hear any ofthem?" asked Captain Bird."We would like to hear them if they are true," said thewidow."There's nothing happened to me and my mates that isn'ttrue," said Captain Bird, "and here is something that oncehappened to me: I was on a whaling v'yage when a big sperm-whale, just as mad as a fiery bull, came at us, head on, andstruck the ship at the stern with such tremendous force that hishead crashed right through her timbers and he went nearly halfhis length into her hull. The hold was mostly filled with emptybarrels, for we was just beginning our v'yage, and when he hadmade kindling-wood of these there was room enough for him. Weall expected that it wouldn't take five minutes for the vessel tofill and go to the bottom, and we made ready to take to theboats; but it turned out we didn't need to take to no boats,for as fast as the water rushed into the hold of the ship, thatwhale drank it and squirted it up through the two blow-holes inthe top of his head, and as there was an open hatchway just overhis head, the water all went into the sea again, and that whalekept working day and night pumping the water out until we beachedthe vessel on the island of Trinidad--the whale helping uswonderful on our way over by the powerful working of his tail,which, being outside in the water, acted like a propeller. Idon't believe any thing stranger than that ever happened to awhaling ship.""No," said the widow, "I don't believe anything ever did."Captain Bird now looked at Captain Sanderson, and the lattertook his pipe out of his mouth and said that in all his sailingaround the world he had never known anything queerer than whathappened to a big steamship he chanced to be on, which ran intoan island in a fog. Everybody on board thought the ship waswrecked, but it had twin screws, and was going at such atremendous speed that it turned the island entirely upside downand sailed over it, and he had heard tell that even now peoplesailing over the spot could look down into the water and see theroots of the trees and the cellars of the houses.Captain Sanderson now put his pipe back into his mouth, andCaptain Burress took out his pipe."I was once in an obelisk-ship," said he, "that used to traderegular between Egypt and New York, carrying obelisks. We had abig obelisk on board. The way they ship obelisks is to make ahole in the stern of the ship, and run the obelisk in, p'intedend foremost; and this obelisk filled up nearly the whole ofthat ship from stern to bow. We was about ten days out, andsailing afore a northeast gale with the engines at full speed,when suddenly we spied breakers ahead, and our Captain saw we wasabout to run on a bank. Now if we hadn't had an obelisk on boardwe might have sailed over that bank, but the captain knew thatwith an obelisk on board we drew too much water for this, andthat we'd be wrecked in about fifty-five seconds if somethingwasn't done quick. So he had to do something quick, and this iswhat he did: He ordered all steam on, and drove slam-bang onthat bank. Just as he expected, we stopped so suddint that thatbig obelisk bounced for'ard, its p'inted end foremost, and wentclean through the bow and shot out into the sea. The minute itdid that the vessel was so lightened that it rose in the waterand we easily steamed over the bank. There was one man knockedoverboard by the shock when we struck, but as soon as we missedhim we went back after him and we got him all right. You see,when that obelisk went overboard, its butt-end, which washeaviest, went down first, and when it touched the bottom it juststood there, and as it was such a big obelisk there was aboutfive and a half feet of it stuck out of the water. The man whowas knocked overboard he just swum for that obelisk and heclimbed up the hiryglyphics. It was a mighty fine obelisk, andthe Egyptians had cut their hiryglyphics good and deep, so thatthe man could get hand and foot-hold; and when we got to him andtook him off, he was sitting high and dry on the p'inted end ofthat obelisk. It was a great pity about the obelisk, for it wasa good obelisk, but as I never heard the company tried toraise it, I expect it is standing there yet."Captain Burress now put his pipe back into his mouth andlooked at Captain Jenkinson, who removed his pipe and said:"The queerest thing that ever happened to me was about ashark. We was off the Banks, and the time of year was July, andthe ice was coming down, and we got in among a lot of it. Notfar away, off our weather bow, there was a little iceberg whichhad such a queerness about it that the captain and three men wentin a boat to look at it. The ice was mighty clear ice, and youcould see almost through it, and right inside of it, not morethan three feet above the waterline, and about two feet, or maybetwenty inches, inside the ice, was a whopping big shark, aboutfourteen feet long,--a regular man-eater,--frozen in there hardand fast. `Bless my soul,' said the captain, `this is awonderful curiosity, and I'm going to git him out.' Just thenone of the men said he saw that shark wink, but the captainwouldn't believe him, for he said that shark was frozen stiff andhard and couldn't wink. You see, the captain had his own ideesabout things, and he knew that whales was warm-blooded and wouldfreeze if they was shut up in ice, but he forgot that sharks wasnot whales and that they're cold-blooded just like toads. Andthere is toads that has been shut up in rocks for thousands ofyears, and they stayed alive, no matter how cold the place was,because they was cold-blooded, and when the rocks was split, outhopped the frog. But, as I said before, the captain forgotsharks was cold-blooded, and he determined to git that oneout."Now you both know, being housekeepers, that if you take aneedle and drive it into a hunk of ice you can split it. Thecaptain had a sail-needle with him, and so he drove it into theiceberg right alongside of the shark and split it. Now theminute he did it he knew that the man was right when he said hesaw the shark wink, for it flopped out of that iceberg quickernor a flash of lightning.""What a happy fish he must have been!" ejaculated Dorcas,forgetful of precedent, so great was her emotion."Yes," said Captain Jenkinson, "it was a happy fish enough,but it wasn't a happy captain. You see, that shark hadn't hadanything to eat, perhaps for a thousand years, until the captaincame along with his sail-needle.""Surely you sailormen do see strange things," now said thewidow, "and the strangest thing about them is that they aretrue.""Yes, indeed," said Dorcas, "that is the most wonderfulthing.""You wouldn't suppose," said the Widow Ducket, glancing fromone bench of mariners to the other, "that I have a sea-story totell, but I have, and if you like I will tell it to you."Captain Bird looked up a little surprised."We would like to hear it--indeed, we would, madam," said he."Ay, ay!" said Captain Burress, and the two other marinersnodded."It was a good while ago," she said, "when I was living onthe shore near the head of the bay, that my husband was away andI was left alone in the house. One mornin' my sister-in-law,who lived on the other side of the bay, sent me word by a boy ona horse that she hadn't any oil in the house to fill the lampthat she always put in the window to light her husband home, whowas a fisherman, and if I would send her some by the boy shewould pay me back as soon as they bought oil. The boy said hewould stop on his way home and take the oil to her, but he neverdid stop, or perhaps he never went back, and about five o'clock Ibegan to get dreadfully worried, for I knew if that lamp wasn'tin my sister-in-law's window by dark she might be a widow beforemidnight. So I said to myself, `I've got to get that oil to her,no matter what happens or how it's done.' Of course I couldn'ttell what might happen, but there was only one way it could bedone, and that was for me to get into the boat that was tied tothe post down by the water, and take it to her, for it was toofar for me to walk around by the head of the bay. Now, thetrouble was, I didn't know no more about a boat and the managin'of it than any one of you sailormen knows about clear starchin'.But there wasn't no use of thinkin' what I knew and what I didn'tknow, for I had to take it to her, and there was no way of doin'it except in that boat. So I filled a gallon can, for I thoughtI might as well take enough while I was about it, and I went downto the water and I unhitched that boat and I put the oil-can intoher, and then I got in, and off I started, and when I was about aquarter of a mile from the shore--""Madam," interrupted Captain Bird, "did you row or--or wasthere a sail to the boat?"The widow looked at the questioner for a moment. "No,"said she, "I didn't row. I forgot to bring the oars from thehouse; but it didn't matter, for I didn't know how to use them,and if there had been a sail I couldn't have put it up, for Ididn't know how to use it, either. I used the rudder to make theboat go. The rudder was the only thing I knew anything about.I'd held a rudder when I was a little girl, and I knew how towork it. So I just took hold of the handle of the rudder andturned it round and round, and that made the boat go ahead, youknow, and--" "Madam!" exclaimed Captain Bird, and the other elderlymariners took their pipes from their mouths."Yes, that is the way I did it," continued the widow,briskly. "Big steamships are made to go by a propeller turninground and round at their back ends, and I made the rudder work inthe same way, and I got along very well, too, until suddenly,when I was about a quarter of a mile from the shore, a mostterrible and awful storm arose. There must have been a typhoonor a cyclone out at sea, for the waves came up the bay biggerthan houses, and when they got to the head of the bay they turnedaround and tried to get out to sea again. So in this way theycontinually met, and made the most awful and roarin' pilin' up ofwaves that ever was known."My little boat was pitched about as if it had been a featherin a breeze, and when the front part of it was cleavin' itselfdown into the water the hind part was stickin' up until therudder whizzed around like a patent churn with no milk in it.The thunder began to roar and the lightnin' flashed, and threeseagulls, so nearly frightened to death that they began to turnup the whites of their eyes, flew down and sat on one of theseats of the boat, forgettin' in that awful moment that man wastheir nat'ral enemy. I had a couple of biscuits in my pocket,because I had thought I might want a bite in crossing, and Icrumbled up one of these and fed the poor creatures. Then Ibegan to wonder what I was goin' to do, for things were gettin'awfuller and awfuller every instant, and the little boat was a-heavin' and a-pitchin' and a-rollin' and h'istin' itself up,first on one end and then on the other, to such an extent that ifI hadn't kept tight hold of the rudder-handle I'd slipped off theseat I was sittin' on."All of a sudden I remembered that oil in the can; but justas I was puttin' my fingers on the cork my conscience smote me.`Am I goin' to use this oil,' I said to myself, `and let mysister-in-law's husband be wrecked for want of it?' And then Ithought that he wouldn't want it all that night, and perhaps theywould buy oil the next day, and so I poured out about atumblerful of it on the water, and I can just tell you sailormenthat you never saw anything act as prompt as that did. In threeseconds, or perhaps five, the water all around me, for thedistance of a small front yard, was just as flat as a table andas smooth as glass, and so invitin' in appearance that the threegulls jumped out of the boat and began to swim about on it,primin' their feathers and lookin' at themselves in thetransparent depths, though I must say that one of them made anawful face as he dipped his bill into the water and tastedkerosene."Now I had time to sit quiet in the midst of the placid spaceI had made for myself, and rest from workin' of the rudder.Truly it was a wonderful and marvellous thing to look at. Thewaves was roarin' and leapin' up all around me higher than theroof of this house, and sometimes their tops would reach over sothat they nearly met and shut out all view of the stormy sky,which seemed as if it was bein' torn to pieces by blazin'lightnin', while the thunder pealed so tremendous that it almostdrowned the roar of the waves. Not only above and all around mewas every thing terrific and fearful, but even under me it wasthe same, for there was a big crack in the bottom of the boat aswide as my hand, and through this I could see down into the waterbeneath, and there was--""Madam!" ejaculated Captain Bird, the hand which had beenholding his pipe a few inches from his mouth now dropping to hisknee; and at this motion the hands which held the pipes of thethree other mariners dropped to their knees."Of course it sounds strange," continued the widow, "but Iknow that people can see down into clear water, and the waterunder me was clear, and the crack was wide enough for me to seethrough, and down under me was sharks and swordfishes and otherhorrible water creatures, which I had never seen before, alldriven into the bay, I haven't a doubt, by the violence of thestorm out at sea. The thought of my bein' upset and fallin' inamong those monsters made my very blood run cold, andinvoluntary-like I began to turn the handle of the rudder, and ina moment I shot into a wall of ragin' sea-water that was towerin'around me. For a second I was fairly blinded and stunned, but Ihad the cork out of that oil-can in no time, and very soon--you'dscarcely believe it if I told you how soon--I had another placidmill-pond surroundin' of me. I sat there a-pantin' and fannin'with my straw hat, for you'd better believe I was flustered, andthen I began to think how long it would take me to make a line ofmill-ponds clean across the head of the bay, and how much oil itwould need, and whether I had enough. So I sat and calculatedthat if a tumblerful of oil would make a smooth place about sevenyards across, which I should say was the width of the one I wasin,--which I calculated by a measure of my eye as to how manybreadths of carpet it would take to cover it,--and if the bay wastwo miles across betwixt our house and my sister-in-law's, and,although I couldn't get the thing down to exact figures, I sawpretty soon that I wouldn't have oil enough to make a levelcuttin' through all those mountainous billows, and besides, evenif I had enough to take me across, what would be the good ofgoin' if there wasn't any oil left to fill my sister-in-law'slamp?"While I was thinkin' and calculatin' a perfectly dreadfulthing happened, which made me think if I didn't get out of thispretty soon I'd find myself in a mighty risky predicament. Theoil-can, which I had forgotten to put the cork in, toppled over,and before I could grab it every drop of the oil ran into thehind part of the boat, where it was soaked up by a lot of drydust that was there. No wonder my heart sank when I saw this.Glancin' wildly around me, as people will do when they arescared, I saw the smooth place I was in gettin' smaller andsmaller, for the kerosene was evaporatin', as it will do even offwoollen clothes if you give it time enough. The first pond I hadcome out of seemed to be covered up, and the great, towerin',throbbin' precipice of sea-water was a-closin' around me."Castin' down my eyes in despair, I happened to look throughthe crack in the bottom of the boat, and oh, what a blessedrelief it was! for down there everything was smooth and still,and I could see the sand on the bottom, as level and hard, nodoubt, as it was on the beach. Suddenly the thought struck methat that bottom would give me the only chance I had of gettin'out of the frightful fix I was in. If I could fill that oil-canwith air, and then puttin' it under my arm and takin' a longbreath if I could drop down on that smooth bottom, I might runalong toward shore, as far as I could, and then, when I felt mybreath was givin' out, I could take a pull at the oil-can andtake another run, and then take another pull and another run, andperhaps the can would hold air enough for me until I got nearenough to shore to wade to dry land. To be sure, the sharks andother monsters were down there, but then they must have beenawfully frightened, and perhaps they might not remember that manwas their nat'ral enemy. Anyway, I thought it would be better totry the smooth water passage down there than stay and beswallowed up by the ragin' waves on top."So I blew the can full of air and corked it, and then I toreup some of the boards from the bottom of the boat so as to make ahole big enough for me to get through,--and you sailormen needn'twriggle so when I say that, for you all know a divin'-bell hasn'tany bottom at all and the water never comes in,--and so when Igot the hole big enough I took the oil-can under my arm, andwas just about to slip down through it when I saw an awful turtlea-walkin' through the sand at the bottom. Now, I might trustsharks and swordfishes and sea-serpents to be frightened andforget about their nat'ral enemies, but I never could trust agray turtle as big as a cart, with a black neck a yard long, withyellow bags to its jaws, to forget anything or to rememberanything. I'd as lieve get into a bath-tub with a live crab asto go down there. It wasn't of no use even so much as thinkin'of it, so I gave up that plan and didn't once look through thathole again.""And what did you do, madam?" asked Captain Bird, who wasregarding her with a face of stone."I used electricity," she said. "Now don't start as if youhad a shock of it. That's what I used. When I was younger thanI was then, and sometimes visited friends in the city, we oftenamused ourselves by rubbing our feet on the carpet until we gotourselves so full of electricity that we could put up our fingersand light the gas. So I said to myself that if I could get fullof electricity for the purpose of lightin' the gas I could getfull of it for other purposes, and so, without losin' a moment, Iset to work. I stood up on one of the seats, which was dry, andI rubbed the bottoms of my shoes backward and forward on it withsuch violence and swiftness that they pretty soon got warm and Ibegan fillin' with electricity, and when I was fully charged withit from my toes to the top of my head, I just sprang into thewater and swam ashore. Of course I couldn't sink, bein' full ofelectricity."Captain Bird heaved a long sigh and rose to his feet,whereupon the other mariners rose to their feet "Madam," saidCaptain Bird, "what's to pay for the supper and--the rest of theentertainment?""The supper is twenty-five cents apiece," said the WidowDucket, "and everything else is free, gratis."Whereupon each mariner put his hand into his trousers pocket,pulled out a silver quarter, and handed it to the widow. Then,with four solemn "Good evenin's," they went out to the frontgate."Cast off, Captain Jenkinson," said Captain Bird, "and you,Captain Burress, clew him up for'ard. You can stay in the bow,Captain Sanderson, and take the sheet-lines. I'll go aft."All being ready, each of the elderly mariners clambered overa wheel, and having seated themselves, they prepared to lay theircourse for Cuppertown.But just as they were about to start, Captain Jenkinson askedthat they lay to a bit, and clambering down over his wheel, hereentered the front gate and went up to the door of the house,where the widow and Dorcas were still standing."Madam," said he, "I just came back to ask what became ofyour brother-in-law through his wife's not bein' able to put nolight in the window?""The storm drove him ashore on our side of the bay," saidshe, "and the next mornin' he came up to our house, and I toldhim all that had happened to me. And when he took our boat andwent home and told that story to his wife, she just packed up andwent out West, and got divorced from him. And it served himright, too.""Thank you, ma'am," said Captain Jenkinson, and going outof the gate, he clambered up over the wheel, and the wagoncleared for Cuppertown.When the elderly mariners were gone, the Widow Ducket, stillstanding in the door, turned to Dorcas."Think of it!" she said. "To tell all that to me, in my ownhouse! And after I had opened my one jar of brandied peaches,that I'd been keepin' for special company!""In your own house!" ejaculated Dorcas. "And not one of thembrandied peaches left!"The widow jingled the four quarters in her hand before sheslipped them into her pocket."Anyway, Dorcas," she remarked, "I think we can now say weare square with all the world, and so let's go in and wash thedishes.""Yes," said Dorcas, "we're square."


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