Reginald in Russia

by H.H. Munro (SAKI)

　　

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Reginald sat in a corner of the Princess's salon and tried toforgive the furniture, which started out with an obvious intentionof being Louis Quinze, but relapsed at frequent intervals intoWilhelm II.He classified the Princess with that distinct type of woman thatlooks as if it habitually went out to feed hens in the rain.Her name was Olga; she kept what she hoped and believed to be a fox-terrier, and professed what she thought were Socialist opinions. Itis not necessary to be called Olga if you are a Russian Princess; infact, Reginald knew quite a number who were called Vera; but thefox-terrier and the Socialism are essential."The Countess Lomshen keeps a bull-dog," said the Princess suddenly."In England is it more chic to have a bull-dog than a fox-terrier?"Reginald threw his mind back over the canine fashions of the lastten years and gave an evasive answer."Do you think her handsome, the Countess Lomshen?" asked thePrincess.Reginald thought the Countess's complexion suggested an exclusivediet of macaroons and pale sherry. He said so."But that cannot be possible," said the Princess triumphantly; "I'veseen her eating fish-soup at Donon's."The Princess always defended a friend's complexion if it was reallybad. With her, as with a great many of her sex, charity began athomeliness and did not generally progress much farther.Reginald withdrew his macaroon and sherry theory, and becameinterested in a case of miniatures."That?" said the Princess; "that is the old Princess Lorikoff. Shelived in Millionaya Street, near the Winter Palace, and was one ofthe Court ladies of the old Russian school. Her knowledge of peopleand events was extremely limited; but she used to patronise everyone who came in contact with her. There was a story that when shedied and left the Millionaya for Heaven she addressed St. Peter inher formal staccato French: 'Je suis la Princesse Lor-i-koff. Ilme donne grand plaisir a faire votre connaissance. Je vous en prieme presenter au Bon Dieu.' St. Peter made the desired introduction,and the Princess addressed le Bon Dieu: 'Je suis la Princesse Lor-i-koff. Il me donne grand plaisir a faire votre connaissance. On asouvent parle de vous a l'eglise de la rue Million.'""Only the old and the clergy of Established churches know how to beflippant gracefully," commented Reginald; "which reminds me that inthe Anglican Church in a certain foreign capital, which shall benameless, I was present the other day when one of the juniorchaplains was preaching in aid of distressed somethings or other,and he brought a really eloquent passage to a close with the remark,'The tears of the afflicted, to what shall I liken them--todiamonds?' The other junior chaplain, who had been dozing out ofprofessional jealousy, awoke with a start and asked hurriedly,'Shall I play to diamonds, partner?' It didn't improve matters whenthe senior chaplain remarked dreamily but with painful distinctness,'Double diamonds.' Every one looked at the preacher, half expectinghim to redouble, but he contented himself with scoring what pointshe could under the circumstances.""You English are always so frivolous," said the Princess. "InRussia we have too many troubles to permit of our beinglighthearted."Reginald gave a delicate shiver, such as an Italian greyhound mightgive in contemplating the approach of an ice age of which hepersonally disapproved, and resigned himself to the inevitablepolitical discussion."Nothing that you hear about us in England is true," was thePrincess's hopeful beginning."I always refused to learn Russian geography at school," observedReginald; "I was certain some of the names must be wrong.""Everything is wrong with our system of government," continued thePrincess placidly. "The Bureaucrats think only of their pockets,and the people are exploited and plundered in every direction, andeverything is mismanaged.""With us," said Reginald, "a Cabinet usually gets the credit ofbeing depraved and worthless beyond the bounds of human conceptionby the time it has been in office about four years.""But if it is a bad Government you can turn it out at theelections," argued the Princess."As far as I remember, we generally do," said Reginald."But here it is dreadful, every one goes to such extremes. InEngland you never go to extremes.""We go to the Albert Hall," explained Reginald."There is always a see-saw with us between repression and violence,"continued the Princess; "and the pity of it is the people are reallynot in the least inclined to be anything but peaceable. Nowherewill you find people more good-natured, or family circles wherethere is more affection.""There I agree with you," said Reginald. "I know a boy who livessomewhere on the French Quay who is a case in point. His hair curlsnaturally, especially on Sundays, and he plays bridge well, even fora Russian, which is saying much. I don't think he has any otheraccomplishments, but his family affection is really of a very highorder. When his maternal grandmother died he didn't go as far as togive up bridge altogether, but he declared on nothing but blacksuits for the next three months. That, I think, was reallybeautiful."The Princess was not impressed."I think you must be very self-indulgent and live only foramusement," she said, "a life of pleasure-seeking and card-playingand dissipation brings only dissatisfaction. You will find that outsome day.""Oh, I know it turns out that way sometimes," assented Reginald."Forbidden fizz is often the sweetest."But the remark was wasted on the Princess, who preferred champagnethat had at least a suggestion of dissolved barley-sugar."I hope you will come and see me again," she said, in a tone thatprevented the hope from becoming too infectious; adding as a happyafterthought, "you must come to stay with us in the country."Her particular part of the country was a few hundred versts theother side of Tamboff, with some fifteen miles of agrariandisturbance between her and the nearest neighbour. Reginald feltthat there is some privacy which should be sacred from intrusion.

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