Chapter CXVII

by William Somerset Maugham

　　Philip had written to Athelny to tell him that he was doing a locum inDorsetshire and in due course received an answer from him. It was writtenin the formal manner he affected, studded with pompous epithets as aPersian diadem was studded with precious stones; and in the beautifulhand, like black letter and as difficult to read, upon which he pridedhimself. He suggested that Philip should join him and his family in theKentish hop-field to which he went every year; and to persuade him saidvarious beautiful and complicated things about Philip's soul and thewinding tendrils of the hops. Philip replied at once that he would come onthe first day he was free. Though not born there, he had a peculiaraffection for the Isle of Thanet, and he was fired with enthusiasm at thethought of spending a fortnight so close to the earth and amid conditionswhich needed only a blue sky to be as idyllic as the olive groves ofArcady.The four weeks of his engagement at Farnley passed quickly. On the cliffa new town was springing up, with red brick villas round golf links, anda large hotel had recently been opened to cater for the summer visitors;but Philip went there seldom. Down below, by the harbour, the little stonehouses of a past century were clustered in a delightful confusion, and thenarrow streets, climbing down steeply, had an air of antiquity whichappealed to the imagination. By the water's edge were neat cottages withtrim, tiny gardens in front of them; they were inhabited by retiredcaptains in the merchant service, and by mothers or widows of men who hadgained their living by the sea; and they had an appearance which wasquaint and peaceful. In the little harbour came tramps from Spain and theLevant, ships of small tonnage; and now and then a windjammer was borne inby the winds of romance. It reminded Philip of the dirty little harbourwith its colliers at Blackstable, and he thought that there he had firstacquired the desire, which was now an obsession, for Eastern lands andsunlit islands in a tropic sea. But here you felt yourself closer to thewide, deep ocean than on the shore of that North Sea which seemed alwayscircumscribed; here you could draw a long breath as you looked out uponthe even vastness; and the west wind, the dear soft salt wind of England,uplifted the heart and at the same time melted it to tenderness.One evening, when Philip had reached his last week with Doctor South, achild came to the surgery door while the old doctor and Philip were makingup prescriptions. It was a little ragged girl with a dirty face and barefeet. Philip opened the door."Please, sir, will you come to Mrs. Fletcher's in Ivy Lane at once?""What's the matter with Mrs. Fletcher?" called out Doctor South in hisrasping voice.The child took no notice of him, but addressed herself again to Philip."Please, sir, her little boy's had an accident and will you come at once?""Tell Mrs. Fletcher I'm coming," called out Doctor South.The little girl hesitated for a moment, and putting a dirty finger in adirty mouth stood still and looked at Philip."What's the matter, Kid?" said Philip, smiling."Please, sir, Mrs. Fletcher says, will the new doctor come?" There was asound in the dispensary and Doctor South came out into the passage."Isn't Mrs. Fletcher satisfied with me?" he barked. "I've attended Mrs.Fletcher since she was born. Why aren't I good enough to attend her filthybrat?"The little girl looked for a moment as though she were going to cry, thenshe thought better of it; she put out her tongue deliberately at DoctorSouth, and, before he could recover from his astonishment, bolted off asfast as she could run. Philip saw that the old gentleman was annoyed."You look rather fagged, and it's a goodish way to Ivy Lane," he said, byway of giving him an excuse not to go himself.Doctor South gave a low snarl."It's a damned sight nearer for a man who's got the use of both legs thanfor a man who's only got one and a half."Philip reddened and stood silent for a while."Do you wish me to go or will you go yourself?" he said at last frigidly."What's the good of my going? They want you."Philip took up his hat and went to see the patient. It was hard upon eighto'clock when he came back. Doctor South was standing in the dining-roomwith his back to the fireplace."You've been a long time," he said."I'm sorry. Why didn't you start dinner?""Because I chose to wait. Have you been all this while at Mrs.Fletcher's?""No, I'm afraid I haven't. I stopped to look at the sunset on my way back,and I didn't think of the time."Doctor South did not reply, and the servant brought in some grilledsprats. Philip ate them with an excellent appetite. Suddenly Doctor Southshot a question at him."Why did you look at the sunset?"Philip answered with his mouth full."Because I was happy."Doctor South gave him an odd look, and the shadow of a smile flickeredacross his old, tired face. They ate the rest of the dinner in silence;but when the maid had given them the port and left the room, the old manleaned back and fixed his sharp eyes on Philip."It stung you up a bit when I spoke of your game leg, young fellow?" hesaid."People always do, directly or indirectly, when they get angry with me.""I suppose they know it's your weak point."Philip faced him and looked at him steadily."Are you very glad to have discovered it?"The doctor did not answer, but he gave a chuckle of bitter mirth. They satfor a while staring at one another. Then Doctor South surprised Philipextremely."Why don't you stay here and I'll get rid of that damned fool with hismumps?""It's very kind of you, but I hope to get an appointment at the hospitalin the autumn. It'll help me so much in getting other work later.""I'm offering you a partnership," said Doctor South grumpily."Why?" asked Philip, with surprise."They seem to like you down here.""I didn't think that was a fact which altogether met with your approval,"Philip said drily."D'you suppose that after forty years' practice I care a twopenny damnwhether people prefer my assistant to me? No, my friend. There's nosentiment between my patients and me. I don't expect gratitude from them,I expect them to pay my fees. Well, what d'you say to it?"Philip made no reply, not because he was thinking over the proposal, butbecause he was astonished. It was evidently very unusual for someone tooffer a partnership to a newly qualified man; and he realised with wonderthat, although nothing would induce him to say so, Doctor South had takena fancy to him. He thought how amused the secretary at St. Luke's would bewhen he told him."The practice brings in about seven hundred a year. We can reckon out howmuch your share would be worth, and you can pay me off by degrees. Andwhen I die you can succeed me. I think that's better than knocking abouthospitals for two or three years, and then taking assistantships until youcan afford to set up for yourself."Philip knew it was a chance that most people in his profession would jumpat; the profession was over-crowded, and half the men he knew would bethankful to accept the certainty of even so modest a competence as that."I'm awfully sorry, but I can't," he said. "It means giving up everythingI've aimed at for years. In one way and another I've had a roughish time,but I always had that one hope before me, to get qualified so that I mighttravel; and now, when I wake in the morning, my bones simply ache to getoff, I don't mind where particularly, but just away, to places I've neverbeen to."Now the goal seemed very near. He would have finished his appointment atSt. Luke's by the middle of the following year, and then he would go toSpain; he could afford to spend several months there, rambling up and downthe land which stood to him for romance; after that he would get a shipand go to the East. Life was before him and time of no account. He couldwander, for years if he chose, in unfrequented places, amid strangepeoples, where life was led in strange ways. He did not know what hesought or what his journeys would bring him; but he had a feeling that hewould learn something new about life and gain some clue to the mysterythat he had solved only to find more mysterious. And even if he foundnothing he would allay the unrest which gnawed at his heart. But DoctorSouth was showing him a great kindness, and it seemed ungrateful to refusehis offer for no adequate reason; so in his shy way, trying to appear asmatter of fact as possible, he made some attempt to explain why it was soimportant to him to carry out the plans he had cherished so passionately.Doctor South listened quietly, and a gentle look came into his shrewd oldeyes. It seemed to Philip an added kindness that he did not press him toaccept his offer. Benevolence is often very peremptory. He appeared tolook upon Philip's reasons as sound. Dropping the subject, he began totalk of his own youth; he had been in the Royal Navy, and it was his longconnection with the sea that, when he retired, had made him settle atFarnley. He told Philip of old days in the Pacific and of wild adventuresin China. He had taken part in an expedition against the head-hunters ofBorneo and had known Samoa when it was still an independent state. He hadtouched at coral islands. Philip listened to him entranced. Little bylittle he told Philip about himself. Doctor South was a widower, his wifehad died thirty years before, and his daughter had married a farmer inRhodesia; he had quarrelled with him, and she had not come to England forten years. It was just as if he had never had wife or child. He was verylonely. His gruffness was little more than a protection which he wore tohide a complete disillusionment; and to Philip it seemed tragic to see himjust waiting for death, not impatiently, but rather with loathing for it,hating old age and unable to resign himself to its limitations, and yetwith the feeling that death was the only solution of the bitterness of hislife. Philip crossed his path, and the natural affection which longseparation from his daughter had killed--she had taken her husband's partin the quarrel and her children he had never seen--settled itself uponPhilip. At first it made him angry, he told himself it was a sign ofdotage; but there was something in Philip that attracted him, and he foundhimself smiling at him he knew not why. Philip did not bore him. Once ortwice he put his hand on his shoulder: it was as near a caress as he hadgot since his daughter left England so many years before. When the timecame for Philip to go Doctor South accompanied him to the station: hefound himself unaccountably depressed."I've had a ripping time here," said Philip. "You've been awfully kind tome.""I suppose you're very glad to go?""I've enjoyed myself here.""But you want to get out into the world? Ah, you have youth." He hesitateda moment. "I want you to remember that if you change your mind my offerstill stands.""That's awfully kind of you."Philip shook hands with him out of the carriage window, and the trainsteamed out of the station. Philip thought of the fortnight he was goingto spend in the hop-field: he was happy at the idea of seeing his friendsagain, and he rejoiced because the day was fine. But Doctor South walkedslowly back to his empty house. He felt very old and very lonely.