Part Six: Chapter 18

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Anna looked at Dolly's thin, care-worn face, with its wrinklesfilled with dust from the road, and she was on the point ofsaying what she was thinking, that is, that Dolly had gotthinner. But, conscious that she herself had grown handsomer,and that Dolly's eyes were telling her so, she sighed and beganto speak about herself.

　　"You are looking at me," she said, "and wondering how I can behappy in my position? Well! it's shameful to confess, but I...I'm inexcusably happy. Something magical has happened to me,like a dream, when you're frightened, panic-stricken, and all ofa sudden you wake up and all the horrors are no more. I havewaked up. I have lived through the misery, the dread, and nowfor a long while past, especially since we've been here, I'vebeen so happy!..." she said, with a timid smile of inquirylooking at Dolly.

　　"How glad I am!" said Dolly smiling, involuntarily speaking morecoldly than she wanted to. "I'm very glad for you. Why haven'tyou written to me?"

　　"Why?... Because I hadn't the courage.... You forget myposition..."

　　"To me? Hadn't the courage? If you knew how I...I look at..."

　　Darya Alexandrovna wanted to express her thoughts of the morning,but for some reason it seemed to her now out of place to do so.

　　"But of that we'll talk later. What's this, what are all thesebuildings?" she asked, wanting to change the conversation andpointing to the red and green roofs that came into view behindthe green hedges of acacia and lilac. "Quite a little town."

　　But Anna did not answer.

　　"No, no! How do you look at my position, what do you think ofit?" she asked.

　　"I consider..." Darya Alexandrovna was beginning, but at thatinstant Vassenka Veslovsky, having brought the cob to gallop withthe right leg foremost, galloped past them, bumping heavily upand down in his short jacket on the chamois leather of theside saddle. "He's doing it, Anna Arkadyevna!" he shouted.

　　Anna did not even glance at him; but again it seemed to DaryaAlexandrovna out of place to enter upon such a long conversationin the carriage, and so she cut short her thought.

　　"I don't think anything," she said, "but I always loved you, andif one loves anyone, one loves the whole person, just as theyare and not as one would like them to be...."

　　Anna, taking her eyes off her friend's face and dropping hereyelids (this was a new habit Dolly had not seen in her before),pondered, trying to penetrate the full significance of the words.And obviously interpreting them as she would have wished, sheglanced at Dolly.

　　"If you had any sins," she said, "they would all be forgiven youfor your coming to see me and these words."

　　And Dolly saw that tears stood in her eyes. She pressed Anna'shand in silence.

　　"Well, what are these buildings? How many there are of them!"After a moment's silence she repeated her question.

　　"These are the servants' houses, barns, and stables," answeredAnna. "And there the park begins. It had all gone to ruin, butAlexey had everything renewed. He is very fond of this place,and, what I never expected, he has become intensely interested inlooking after it. But his is such a rich nature! Whatever hetakes up, he does splendidly. So far from being bored by it, heworks with passionate interest. He--with his temperament as Iknow it--he has become careful and businesslike, a first-ratemanager, he positively reckons every penny in his management ofthe land. But only in that. When it's a question of tens ofthousands, he doesn't think of money." She spoke with thatgleefully sly smile with which women often talk of the secretcharacteristics only known to them--of those they love. "Do yousee that big building? that's the new hospital. I believe itwill cost over a hundred thousand; that's his hobby just now.And do you know how it all came about? The peasants asked himfor some meadowland, I think it was, at a cheaper rate, and herefused, and I accused him of being miserly. Of course it wasnot really because of that, but everything together, he beganthis hospital to prove, do you see, that he was not miserly aboutmoney. C'est une petitesse, if you like, but I love him all themore for it. And now you'll see the house in a moment. It washis grandfather's house, and he has had nothing changed outside."

　　"How beautiful!" said Dolly, looking with involuntary admirationat the handsome house with columns, standing out among thedifferent-colored greens of the old trees in the garden.

　　"Isn't it fine? And from the house, from the top, the view iswonderful."

　　They drove into a courtyard strewn with gravel and bright withflowers, in which two laborers were at work putting an edging ofstones round the light mould of a flower bed, and drew up in acovered entry.

　　"Ah, they're here already!" said Anna, looking at the saddlehorses, which were just being led away from the steps. "It is anice horse, isn't it? It's my cob; my favorite. Lead him hereand bring me some sugar. Where is the count?" she inquired oftwo smart footmen who darted out. "Ah, there he is!" she said,seeing Vronsky coming to meet her with Veslovsky.

　　"Where are you going to put the princess?" said Vronsky inFrench, addressing Anna, and without waiting for a reply, he oncemore greeted Darya Alexandrovna, and this time he kissed herhand. "I think the big balcony room."

　　"Oh, no, that's too far off! Better in the corner room, we shallsee each other more. Come, let's go up," said Anna, as she gaveher favorite horse the sugar the footman had brought her.

　　"Et vous oubliez votre devoir," she said to Veslovsky, who cameout too on the steps.

　　"Pardon, j'en ai tout plein les poches," he answered, smiling,putting his fingers in his waistcoat pocket.

　　"Mais vous venez trop tard," she said, rubbing her handkerchiefon her hand, which the horse had made wet in taking the sugar.

　　Anna turned to Dolly. "You can stay some time? For one dayonly? That's impossible!"

　　"I promised to be back, and the children..." said Dolly, feelingembarrassed both because she had to get her bag out of thecarriage, and because she knew her face must be covered withdust.

　　"No, Dolly, darling!... Well, we'll see. Come along, comealong!" and Anna led Dolly to her room.

　　That room was not the smart guest chamber Vronsky had suggested,but the one of which Anna had said that Dolly would excuse it.And this room, for which excuse was needed, was more full ofluxury than any in which Dolly had ever stayed, a luxury thatreminded her of the best hotels abroad.

　　"Well, darling, how happy I am!" Anna said, sitting down in herriding habit for a moment beside Dolly. "Tell me about all ofyou. Stiva I had only a glimpse of, and he cannot tell oneabout the children. How is my favorite, Tanya? Quite a biggirl, I expect?"

　　"Yes, she's very tall," Darya Alexandrovna answered shortly,surprised herself that she should respond so coolly about herchildren. "We are having a delightful stay at the Levins'," sheadded.

　　"Oh, if I had known," said Anna, "that you do not despise me!...You might have all come to us. Stiva's an old friend and a greatfriend of Alexey's, you know," she added, and suddenly sheblushed.

　　"Yes, but we are all..." Dolly answered in confusion.

　　"But in my delight I'm talking nonsense. The one thing, darling,is that I am so glad to have you!" said Anna, kissing her again."You haven't told me yet how and what you think about me, and Ikeep wanting to know. But I'm glad you will see me as I am.The chief thing I shouldn't like would be for people to imagine Iwant to prove anything. I don't want to prove anything; Imerely want to live, to do no one harm but myself. I have theright to do that, haven't I? But it is a big subject, and we'lltalk over everything properly later. Now I'll go and dress andsend a maid to you."