Part Four: Chapter 23

by Leo Tolstoy

　　Vronsky's wound had been a dangerous one, though it did nottouch the heart, and for several days he had lain between lifeand death. The first time he was able to speak, Varya, hisbrother's wife, was alone in the room.

　　"Varya," he said, looking sternly at her, "I shot myself byaccident. And please never speak of it, and tell everyone so.Or else it's too ridiculous."

　　Without answering his words, Varya bent over him, and with adelighted smile gazed into his face. His eyes were clear, notfeverish; but their expression was stern.

　　"Thank God!" she said. "You're not in pain?"

　　"A little here." He pointed to his breast.

　　"Then let me change your bandages."

　　In silence, stiffening his broad jaws, he looked at her while shebandaged him up. When she had finished he said:

　　"I'm not delirious. Please manage that there may be no talk ofmy having shot myself on purpose."

　　"No one does say so. Only I hope you won't shoot yourself byaccident any more," she said, with a questioning smile.

　　"Of course I won't, but it would have been better..."

　　And he smiled gloomily.

　　In spite of these words and this smile, which so frightenedVarya, when the inflammation was over and he began to recover, hefelt that he was completely free from one part of his misery. Byhis action he had, as it were, washed away the shame andhumiliation he had felt before. He could now think calmly ofAlexey Alexandrovitch. He recognized all his magnanimity, but hedid not now feel himself humiliated by it. Besides, he got backagain into the beaten track of his life. He saw the possibilityof looking men in the face again without shame, and he could livein accordance with his own habits. One thing he could not pluckout of his heart, though he never ceased struggling with it, wasthe regret, amounting to despair, that he had lost her forever.That now, having expiated his sin against the husband, he wasbound to renounce her, and never in future to stand between herwith her repentance and her husband, he had firmly decided in hisheart; but he could not tear out of his heart his regret at theloss of her love, he could not erase from his memory thosemoments of happiness that he had so little prized at the time,and that haunted him in all their charm.

　　Serpuhovskoy had planned his appointment at Tashkend, and Vronskyagreed to the proposition without the slightest hesitation. Butthe nearer the time of departure came, the bitterer was thesacrifice he was making to what he thought his duty.

　　His wound had healed, and he was driving about makingpreparations for his departure for Tashkend.

　　"To see her once and then to bury myself, to die," he thought,and as he was paying farewell visits, he uttered this thought toBetsy. Charged with this commission, Betsy had gone to Anna, andbrought him back a negative reply.

　　"So much the better," thought Vronsky, when he received the news."It was a weakness, which would have shattered what strength Ihave left."

　　Next day Betsy herself came to him in the morning, and announcedthat she had heard through Oblonsky as a positive fact thatAlexey Alexandrovitch had agreed to a divorce, and that thereforeVronsky could see Anna.

　　Without even troubling himself to see Betsy out of his fiat,forgetting all his resolutions, without asking when he could seeher, where her husband was, Vronsky drove straight to theKarenins'. He ran up the stairs seeing no one and nothing, andwith a rapid step, almost breaking into a run, he went into herroom. And without considering, without noticing whether therewas anyone in the room or not, he flung his arms round her, andbegan to cover her face, her hands, her neck with kisses.

　　Anna had been preparing herself for this meeting, had thoughtwhat she would say to him, but she did not succeed in sayinganything of it; his passion mastered her. She tried to calm him,to calm herself, but it was too late. His feeling infected her.Her lips trembled so that for a long while she could say nothing.

　　"Yes, you have conquered me, and I am yours," she said at last,pressing his hands to her bosom.

　　"So it had to be," he said. "So long as we live, it must be so.I know it now."

　　"That's true," she said, getting whiter and whiter, and embracinghis head. "Still there is something terrible in it after allthat has happened."

　　"It will all pass, it will all pass; we shall be so happy. Ourlove, if it could be stronger, will be strengthened by therebeing something terrible in it," he said, lifting his head andparting his strong teeth in a smile.

　　And she could not but respond with a smile--not to his words, butto the love in his eyes. She took his hand and stroked herchilled cheeks and cropped head with it.

　　"I don't know you with this short hair. You've grown so pretty.A boy. But how pale you are!"

　　"Yes, I'm very weak," she said, smiling. And her lips begantrembling again.

　　"We'll go to Italy; you will get strong," he said.

　　"Can it be possible we could be like husband and wife, alone,your family with you?" she said, looking close into his eyes.

　　"It only seems strange to me that it can ever have beenotherwise."

　　"Stiva says that he has agreed to everything, but I can't accepthis generosity," she said, looking dreamily past Vronsky's face."I don't want a divorce; it's all the same to me now. Only Idon't know what he will decide about Seryozha."

　　He could not conceive how at this moment of their meeting shecould remember and think of her son, of divorce. What did it allmatter?

　　"Don't speak of that, don't think of it," he said, turning herhand in his, and trying to draw her attention to him; but stillshe did not look at him.

　　"Oh, why didn't I die! it would have been better," she said, andsilent tears flowed down both her cheeks; but she tried to smile,so as not to wound him.

　　To decline the flattering and dangerous appointment at Tashkendwould have been, Vronsky had till then considered, disgracefuland impossible. But now, without an instant's consideration, hedeclined it, and observing dissatisfaction in the most exaltedquarters at this step, he immediately retired from the army.

　　A month later Alexey Alexandrovitch was left alone with his sonin his house at Petersburg, while Anna and Vronsky had goneabroad, not having obtained a divorce, but having absolutelydeclined all idea of one.