Book Five: 1806-07 - Chapter II

by Leo Tolstoy

　　"I have the pleasure of addressing Count Bezukhov, if I am notmistaken," said the stranger in a deliberate and loud voice.

　　Pierre looked silently and inquiringly at him over his spectacles.

　　"I have heard of you, my dear sir, "continued the stranger, "andof your misfortune." He seemed to emphasize the last word, as if tosay- "Yes, misfortune! Call it what you please, I know that whathappened to you in Moscow was a misfortune."- "I regret it verymuch, my dear sir."

　　Pierre flushed and, hurriedly putting his legs down from the bed,bent forward toward the old man with a forced and timid smile.

　　"I have not referred to this out of curiosity, my dear sir, butfor greater reasons."

　　He paused, his gaze still on Pierre, and moved aside on the sofaby way of inviting the other to take a seat beside him. Pierre feltreluctant to enter into conversation with this old man, but,submitting to him involuntarily, came up and sat down beside him.

　　"You are unhappy, my dear sir," the stranger continued. "You areyoung and I am old. I should like to help you as far as lies in mypower."

　　"Oh, yes!" said Pierre, with a forced smile. "I am very gratefulto you. Where are you traveling from?"

　　The stranger's face was not genial, it was even cold and severe, butin spite of this, both the face and words of his new acquaintance wereirresistibly attractive to Pierre.

　　"But if for reason you don't feel inclined to talk to me," saidthe old man, "say so, my dear sir." And he suddenly smiled, in anunexpected and tenderly paternal way.

　　"Oh no, not at all! On the contrary, I am very glad to make youracquaintance," said Pierre. And again, glancing at the stranger'shands, he looked more closely at the ring, with its skull- a Masonicsign.

　　"Allow me to ask," he said, "are you a Mason?"

　　"Yes, I belong to the Brotherhood of the Freemasons," said thestranger, looking deeper and deeper into Pierre's eyes. "And intheir name and my own I hold out a brotherly hand to you."

　　"I am afraid," said Pierre, smiling, and wavering between theconfidence the personality of the Freemason inspired in him and hisown habit of ridiculing the Masonic beliefs- "I am afraid I am veryfar from understanding- how am I to put it?- I am afraid my way oflooking at the world is so opposed to yours that we shall notunderstand one another."

　　"I know your outlook," said the Mason, "and the view of life youmention, and which you think is the result of your own mental efforts,is the one held by the majority of people, and is the invariable fruitof pride, indolence, and ignorance. Forgive me, my dear sir, but ifI had not known it I should not have addressed you. Your view oflife is a regrettable delusion."

　　"Just as I may suppose you to be deluded," said Pierre, with a faintsmile.

　　"I should never dare to say that I know the truth," said theMason, whose words struck Pierre more and more by their precisionand firmness. "No one can attain to truth by himself. Only by layingstone on stone with the cooperation of all, by the millions ofgenerations from our forefather Adam to our own times, is thattemple reared which is to be a worthy dwelling place of the GreatGod," he added, and closed his eyes.

　　"I ought to tell you that I do not believe... do not believe in God,said Pierre, regretfully and with an effort, feeling it essential tospeak the whole truth.

　　The Mason looked intently at Pierre and smiled as a rich man withmillions in hand might smile at a poor fellow who told him that he,poor man, had not the five rubles that would make him happy.

　　"Yes, you do not know Him, my dear sir," said the Mason. "You cannotknow Him. You do not know Him and that is why you are unhappy."

　　"Yes, yes, I am unhappy," assented Pierre. "But what am I to do?"

　　"You know Him not, my dear sir, and so you are very unhappy. Youdo not know Him, but He is here, He is in me, He is in my words, He isin thee, and even in those blasphemous words thou hast justuttered!" pronounced the Mason in a stern and tremulous voice.

　　He paused and sighed, evidently trying to calm himself.

　　"If He were not," he said quietly, "you and I would not bespeaking of Him, my dear sir. Of what, of whom, are we speaking?Whom hast thou denied?" he suddenly asked with exulting austerityand authority in his voice. "Who invented Him, if He did not exist?Whence came thy conception of the existence of such anincomprehensible Being? didst thou, and why did the whole world,conceive the idea of the existence of such an incomprehensibleBeing, a Being all-powerful, eternal, and infinite in all Hisattributes?..."

　　He stopped and remained silent for a long time.

　　Pierre could not and did not wish to break this silence.

　　"He exists, but to understand Him is hard," the Mason began again,looking not at Pierre but straight before him, and turning theleaves of his book with his old hands which from excitement he couldnot keep still. "If it were a man whose existence thou didst doubt Icould bring him to thee, could take him by the hand and show him tothee. But how can I, an insignificant mortal, show His omnipotence,His infinity, and all His mercy to one who is blind, or who shutshis eyes that he may not see or understand Him and may not see orunderstand his own vileness and sinfulness?" He paused again. "Who artthou? Thou dreamest that thou art wise because thou couldst utterthose blasphemous words," he went on, with a somber and scornfulsmile. "And thou art more foolish and unreasonable than a littlechild, who, playing with the parts of a skillfully made watch, daresto say that, as he does not understand its use, he does not believe inthe master who made it. To know Him is hard.... For ages, from ourforefather Adam to our own day, we labor to attain that knowledgeand are still infinitely far from our aim; but in our lack ofunderstanding we see only our weakness and His greatness...."

　　Pierre listened with swelling heart, gazing into the Mason's facewith shining eyes, not interrupting or questioning him, butbelieving with his whole soul what the stranger said. Whether heaccepted the wise reasoning contained in the Mason's words, orbelieved as a child believes, in the speaker's tone of convictionand earnestness, or the tremor of the speaker's voice- which sometimesalmost broke- or those brilliant aged eyes grown old in thisconviction, or the calm firmness and certainty of his vocation,which radiated from his whole being (and which struck Pierreespecially by contrast with his own dejection and hopelessness)- atany rate, Pierre longed with his whole soul to believe and he didbelieve, and felt a joyful sense of comfort, regeneration, andreturn to life.

　　"He is not to be apprehended by reason, but by life," said theMason.

　　"I do not understand," said Pierre, feeling with dismay doubtsreawakening. He was afraid of any want of clearness, any weakness,in the Mason's arguments; he dreaded not to be able to believe in him."I don't understand," he said, "how it is that the mind of mancannot attain the knowledge of which you speak."

　　The Mason smiled with his gentle fatherly smile.

　　"The highest wisdom and truth are like the purest liquid we may wishto imbibe," he said. "Can I receive that pure liquid into an impurevessel and judge of its purity? Only by the inner purification ofmyself can I retain in some degree of purity the liquid I receive."

　　"Yes, yes, that is so," said Pierre joyfully.

　　"The highest wisdom is not founded on reason alone, not on thoseworldly sciences of physics, history, chemistry, and the like, intowhich intellectual knowledge is divided. The highest wisdom is one.The highest wisdom has but one science- the science of the whole-the science explaining the whole creation and man's place in it. Toreceive that science it is necessary to purify and renew one's innerself, and so before one can know, it is necessary to believe and toperfect one's self. And to attain this end, we have the light calledconscience that God has implanted in our souls."

　　"Yes, yes," assented Pierre.

　　"Look then at thy inner self with the eyes of the spirit, and askthyself whether thou art content with thyself. What hast thou attainedrelying on reason only? What art thou? You are young, you are rich,you are clever, you are well educated. And what have you done with allthese good gifts? Are you content with yourself and with your life?"

　　"No, I hate my life," Pierre muttered, wincing.

　　"Thou hatest it. Then change it, purify thyself; and as thou artpurified, thou wilt gain wisdom. Look at your life, my dear sir. Howhave you spent it? In riotous orgies and debauchery, receivingeverything from society and giving nothing in return. You havebecome the possessor of wealth. How have you used it? What have youdone for your neighbor? Have you ever thought of your tens ofthousands of slaves? Have you helped them physically and morally?No! You have profited by their toil to lead a profligate life. That iswhat you have done. Have you chosen a post in which you might be ofservice to your neighbor? No! You have spent your life in idleness.Then you married, my dear sir- took on yourself responsibility for theguidance of a young woman; and what have you done? You have not helpedher to find the way of truth, my dear sir, but have thrust her into anabyss of deceit and misery. A man offended you and you shot him, andyou say you do not know God and hate your life. There is nothingstrange in that, my dear sir!"

　　After these words, the Mason, as if tired by his long discourse,again leaned his arms on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.Pierre looked at that aged, stern, motionless, almost lifeless faceand moved his lips without uttering a sound. He wished to say, "Yes, avile, idle, vicious life!" but dared not break the silence.

　　The Mason cleared his throat huskily, as old men do, and calledhis servant.

　　"How about the horses?" he asked, without looking at Pierre.

　　"The exchange horses have just come," answered the servant. "Willyou not rest here?"

　　"No, tell them to harness."

　　"Can he really be going away leaving me alone without having told meall, and without promising to help me?" thought Pierre, rising withdowncast head; and he began to pace the room, glancing occasionally atthe Mason. "Yes, I never thought of it, but I have led acontemptible and profligate life, though I did not like it and did notwant to," thought Pierre. "But this man knows the truth and, if hewished to, could disclose it to me."

　　Pierre wished to say this to the Mason, but did not dare to. Thetraveler, having packed his things with his practiced hands, beganfastening his coat. When he had finished, he turned to Bezukhov, andsaid in a tone of indifferent politeness:

　　"Where are you going to now, my dear sir?"

　　"I?... I'm going to Petersburg," answered Pierre, in a childlike,hesitating voice. "I thank you. I agree with all you have said. But donot suppose me to be so bad. With my whole soul I wish to be whatyou would have me be, but I have never had help from anyone.... But itis I, above all, who am to blame for everything. Help me, teach me,and perhaps I may..."

　　Pierre could not go on. He gulped and turned away.

　　The Mason remained silent for a long time, evidently considering.

　　"Help comes from God alone," he said, "but such measure of help asour Order can bestow it will render you, my dear sir. You are going toPetersburg. Hand this to Count Willarski" (he took out his notebookand wrote a few words on a large sheet of paper folded in four)."Allow me to give you a piece of advice. When you reach the capital,first of all devote some time to solitude and self-examination anddo not resume your former way of life. And now I wish you a goodjourney, my dear sir," he added, seeing that his servant hadentered... "and success."

　　The traveler was Joseph Alexeevich Bazdeev, as Pierre saw from thepostmaster's book. Bazdeev had been one of the best-known Freemasonsand Martinists, even in Novikov's time. For a long while after hehad gone, Pierre did not go to bed or order horses but paced up anddown the room, pondering over his vicious past, and with a rapturoussense of beginning anew pictured to himself the blissful,irreproachable, virtuous future that seemed to him so easy. Itseemed to him that he had been vicious only because he had somehowforgotten how good it is to be virtuous. Not a trace of his formerdoubts remained in his soul. He firmly believed in the possibilityof the brotherhood of men united in the aim of supporting oneanother in the path of virtue, and that is how Freemasonry presenteditself to him.