A Sale

by Guy de Maupassant

　　

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The defendants, Cesaire-Isidore Brument and Prosper-Napoleon Cornu,appeared before the Court of Assizes of the Seine-Inferieure, on a chargeof attempted murder, by drowning, of Mme. Brument, lawful wife of thefirst of the aforenamed.The two prisoners sat side by side on the traditional bench. They weretwo peasants; the first was small and stout, with short arms, short legs,and a round head with a red pimply face, planted directly on his trunk,which was also round and short, and with apparently no neck. He was araiser of pigs and lived at Cacheville-la-Goupil, in the district ofCriquetot.Cornu (Prosper-Napoleon) was thin, of medium height, with enormously longarms. His head was on crooked, his jaw awry, and he squinted. A blueblouse, as long as a shirt, hung down to his knees, and his yellow hair,which was scanty and plastered down on his head, gave his face a worn-out, dirty look, a dilapidated look that was frightful. He had beennicknamed "the cure" because he could imitate to perfection the chantingin church, and even the sound of the serpent. This talent attracted tohis cafe--for he was a saloon keeper at Criquetot--a great many customerswho preferred the "mass at Cornu" to the mass in church.Mme. Brument, seated on the witness bench, was a thin peasant woman whoseemed to be always asleep. She sat there motionless, her hands crossedon her knees, gazing fixedly before her with a stupid expression.The judge continued his interrogation."Well, then, Mme. Brument, they came into your house and threw you into abarrel full of water. Tell us the details. Stand up."She rose. She looked as tall as a flag pole with her cap which lookedlike a white skull cap. She said in a drawling tone:"I was shelling beans. Just then they came in. I said to myself, 'Whatis the matter with them? They do not seem natural, they seem up to somemischief.' They watched me sideways, like this, especially Cornu,because he squints. I do not like to see them together, for they are twogood-for-nothings when they are in company. I said: 'What do you wantwith me?' They did not answer. I had a sort of mistrust----"The defendant Brument interrupted the witness hastily, saying:"I was full."Then Cornu, turning towards his accomplice said in the deep tones of anorgan:"Say that we were both full, and you will be telling no lie."The judge, severely:"You mean by that that you were both drunk?"Brument: "There can be no question about it."Cornu : "That might happen to anyone."The judge to the victim: "Continue your testimony, woman Brument.""Well, Brument said to me, 'Do you wish to earn a hundred sous?' 'Yes,'I replied, seeing that a hundred sous are not picked up in a horse'stracks. Then he said: 'Open your eyes and do as I do,' and he went tofetch the large empty barrel which is under the rain pipe in the corner,and he turned it over and brought it into my kitchen, and stuck it downin the middle of the floor, and then he said to me: 'Go and fetch wateruntil it is full.'"So I went to the pond with two pails and carried water, and still morewater for an hour, seeing that the barrel was as large as a vat, savingyour presence, m'sieu le president."All this time Brument and Cornu were drinking a glass, and then anotherglass, and then another. They were finishing their drinks when I said tothem: 'You are full, fuller than this barrel.' And Brument answered me.'Do not worry, go on with your work, your turn will come, each one hashis share.' I paid no attention to what he said as he was full."When the barrel was full to the brim, I said: 'There, that's done.'"And then Cornu gave me a hundred sous, not Brument, Cornu; it was Cornugave them to me. And Brument said: 'Do you wish to earn a hundred sousmore?' 'Yes,' I said, for I am not accustomed to presents like that.Then he said: 'Take off your clothes.!"'Take off my clothes?'"'Yes,' he said."'How many shall I take off?'"'If it worries you at all, keep on your chemise, that won't bother us.'"A hundred sous is a hundred sous, and I have to undress myself; but Idid not fancy undressing before those two good-for-nothings. I took offmy cap, and then my jacket, and then my skirt, and then my sabots.Brument said, 'Keep on your stockings, also; we are good fellows.'"And Cornu said, too, 'We are good fellows.'"So there I was, almost like mother Eve. And they got up from theirchairs, but could not stand straight, they were so full, saving yourpresence, M'sieu le president."I said to myself: 'What are they up to?'"And Brument said: 'Are you ready?'"And Cornu said: 'I'm ready!'"And then they took me, Brument by the head, and Cornu by the feet, asone might take, for instance, a sheet that has been washed. Then I beganto bawl."And Brument said: 'Keep still, wretched creature!'"And they lifted me up in the air and put me into the barrel, which wasfull of water, so that I had a check of the circulation, a chill to myvery insides."And Brument said: 'Is that all?'"Cornu said: 'That is all.'"Brument said: 'The head is not in, that will make a difference in themeasure.'"Cornu said: 'Put in her head.'"And then Brument pushed down my head as if to drown me, so that thewater ran into my nose, so that I could already see Paradise. And hepushed it down, and I disappeared."And then he must have been frightened. He pulled me out and said: 'Goand get dry, carcass.'"As for me, I took to my heels and ran as far as M. le cure's. He lentme a skirt belonging to his servant, for I was almost in a state ofnature, and he went to fetch Maitre Chicot, the country watchman who wentto Criquetot to fetch the police who came to my house with me."Then we found Brument and Cornu fighting each other like two rams."Brument was bawling: 'It isn't true, I tell you that there is at least acubic metre in it. It is the method that was no good.'"Cornu bawled: 'Four pails, that is almost half a cubic metre. You neednot reply, that's what it is.'"The police captain put them both under arrest. I have no more to tell."She sat down. The audience in the court room laughed. The jurors lookedat one another in astonishment. The judge said:"Defendant Cornu, you seem to have been the instigator of this infamousplot. What have you to say?"And Cornu rose in his turn."Judge," he replied, "I was full."The Judge answered gravely:"I know it. Proceed.""I will. Well, Brument came to my place about nine o'clock, and orderedtwo drinks, and said: 'There's one for you, Cornu.' I sat down oppositehim and drank, and out of politeness, I offered him a glass. Then hereturned the compliment and so did I, and so it went on from glass toglass until noon, when we were full."Then Brument began to cry. That touched me. I asked him what was thematter. He said: 'I must have a thousand francs by Thursday.' Thatcooled me off a little, you understand. Then he said to me all at once:'I will sell you my wife.'"I was full, and I was a widower. You understand, that stirred me up.I did not know his wife, but she was a woman, wasn't she? I asked him:'How much would you sell her for?'"He reflected, or pretended to reflect. When one is full one is not veryclear-headed, and he replied: 'I will sell her by the cubic metre.'"That did not surprise me, for I was as drunk as he was, and I knew whata cubic metre is in my business. It is a thousand litres, that suitedme."But the price remained to be settled. All depends on the quality. Isaid: 'How much do you want a cubic metre?'"He answered: 'Two thousand francs.'"I gave a bound like a rabbit, and then I reflected that a woman oughtnot to measure more than three hundred litres. So I said: 'That's toodear.'"He answered: 'I cannot do it for less. I should lose by it.'"You understand, one is not a dealer in hogs for nothing. Oneunderstands one's business. But, if he is smart, the seller of bacon, Iam smarter, seeing that I sell them also. Ha, Ha, Ha! So I said to him:'If she were new, I would not say anything, but she has been married toyou for some time, so she is not as fresh as she was. I will give youfifteen hundred francs a cubic metre, not a sou more. Will that suityou?'"He answered: 'That will do. That's a bargain!'"I agreed, and we started out, arm in arm. We must help each other inthis world."But a fear came to me: 'How can you measure her unless you put her intothe liquid?'"Then he explained his idea, not without difficulty for he was full. Hesaid to me: 'I take a barrel, and fill it with water to the brim. I puther in it. All the water that comes out we will measure, that is the wayto fix it.'"I said: 'I see, I understand. But this water that overflows will runaway; how are you going to gather it up?'"Then he began stuffing me and explained to me that all we should have todo would be to refill the barrel with the water his wife had displaced assoon as she should have left. All the water we should pour in would bethe measure. I supposed about ten pails; that would be a cubic metre.He isn't a fool, all the same, when he is drunk, that old horse."To be brief, we reached his house and I took a look at its mistress. Abeautiful woman she certainly was not. Anyone can see her, for there sheis. I said to myself: 'I am disappointed, but never mind, she will be ofvalue; handsome or ugly, it is all the same, is it not, monsieur lepresident?' And then I saw that she was as thin as a rail. I said tomyself: 'She will not measure four hundred litres.' I understand thematter, it being in liquids."She told you about the proceeding. I even let her keep on her chemiseand stockings, to my own disadvantage."When that was done she ran away. I said: 'Look out, Brument! she isescaping.'"He replied: 'Do not be afraid. I will catch her all right. She willhave to come back to sleep, I will measure the deficit.'"We measured. Not four pailfuls. Ha, Ha, Ha!"The witness began to laugh so persistently that a gendarme was obliged topunch him in the back. Having quieted down, he resumed:"In short, Brument exclaimed: 'Nothing doing, that is not enough.' Ibawled and bawled, and bawled again, he punched me, I hit back. Thatwould have kept on till the Day of judgment, seeing we were both drunk."Then came the gendarmes! They swore at us, they took us off to prison.I want damages."He sat down.Brument confirmed in every particular the statements of his accomplice.The jury, in consternation, retired to deliberate.At the end of an hour they returned a verdict of acquittal for thedefendants, with some severe strictures on the dignity of marriage, andestablishing the precise limitations of business transactions.Brument went home to the domestic roof accompanied by his wife.Cornu went back to his business.

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