Chapter XXIII: Restoration of the Fountain

by Mark Twain

　　Saturday noon I went to the well and looked ona while. Merlin was still burning smoke-powders,and pawing the air, and muttering gibberish as hard asever, but looking pretty down-hearted, for of coursehe had not started even a perspiration in that well yet.Finally I said:"How does the thing promise by this time, partner?""Behold, I am even now busied with trial of thepowerfulest enchantment known to the princes of the occult arts in the lands of the East; an it fail me, naughtcan avail. Peace, until I finish."He raised a smoke this time that darkened all theregion, and must have made matters uncomfortable forthe hermits, for the wind was their way, and it rolleddown over their dens in a dense and billowy fog. Hepoured out volumes of speech to match, and contortedhis body and sawed the air with his hands in a mostextraordinary way. At the end of twenty minutes hedropped down panting, and about exhausted. Nowarrived the abbot and several hundred monks and nuns,and behind them a multitude of pilgrims and a coupleof acres of foundlings, all drawn by the prodigious smoke,and all in a grand state of excitement. The abbotinquired anxiously for results. Merlin said:"If any labor of mortal might break the spell thatbinds these waters, this which I have but just essayedhad done it. It has failed; whereby I do now knowthat that which I had feared is a truth established; thesign of this failure is, that the most potent spirit knownto the magicians of the East, and whose name nonemay utter and live, has laid his spell upon this well.The mortal does not breathe, nor ever will, who canpenetrate the secret of that spell, and without thatsecret none can break it. The water will flow no moreforever, good Father. I have done what man could.Suffer me to go."Of course this threw the abbot into a good deal of aconsternation. He turned to me with the signs of it inhis face, and said:"Ye have heard him. Is it true?""Part of it is.""Not all, then, not all! What part is true?""That that spirit with the Russian name has put hisspell upon the well.""God's wownds, then are we ruined!""Possibly.""But not certainly? Ye mean, not certainly?""That is it.""Wherefore, ye also mean that when he saith nonecan break the spell --""Yes, when he says that, he says what isn't necessarily true. There are conditions under which an effortto break it may have some chance -- that is, somesmall, some trifling chance -- of success.""The conditions --""Oh, they are nothing difficult. Only these: Iwant the well and the surroundings for the space ofhalf a mile, entirely to myself from sunset to-day untilI remove the ban -- and nobody allowed to cross theground but by my authority.""Are these all?""Yes.""And you have no fear to try?""Oh, none. One may fail, of course; and onemay also succeed. One can try, and I am ready tochance it. I have my conditions?""These and all others ye may name. I will issuecommandment to that effect.""Wait," said Merlin, with an evil smile. "Yewit that he that would break this spell must know thatspirit's name?""Yes, I know his name.""And wit you also that to know it skills not ofitself, but ye must likewise pronounce it? Ha-ha!Knew ye that?""Yes, I knew that, too.""You had that knowledge! Art a fool? Are yeminded to utter that name and die?""Utter it? Why certainly. I would utter it if itwas Welsh.""Ye are even a dead man, then; and I go totell Arthur.""That's all right. Take your gripsack and getalong. The thing for you to do is to go home andwork the weather, John W. Merlin."It was a home shot, and it made him wince; for hewas the worst weather-failure in the kingdom. Whenever he ordered up the danger-signals along the coastthere was a week's dead calm, sure, and every time heprophesied fair weather it rained brickbats. But I kepthim in the weather bureau right along, to underminehis reputation. However, that shot raised his bile, andinstead of starting home to report my death, he saidhe would remain and enjoy it.My two experts arrived in the evening, and prettywell fagged, for they had traveled double tides. Theyhad pack-mules along, and had brought everything Ineeded -- tools, pump, lead pipe, Greek fire, sheavesof big rockets, roman candles, colored fire sprays,electric apparatus, and a lot of sundries -- everythingnecessary for the stateliest kind of a miracle. Theygot their supper and a nap, and about midnight wesallied out through a solitude so wholly vacant andcomplete that it quite overpassed the required conditions. We took possession of the well and its surroundings. My boys were experts in all sorts ofthings, from the stoning up of a well to the constructing of a mathematical instrument. An hour beforesunrise we had that leak mended in ship-shape fashion,and the water began to rise. Then we stowed our fireworks in the chapel, locked up the place, and wenthome to bed.Before the noon mass was over, we were at the wellagain; for there was a deal to do yet, and I was determined to spring the miracle before midnight, for business reasons: for whereas a miracle worked for theChurch on a week-day is worth a good deal, it is worthsix times as much if you get it in on a Sunday. Innine hours the water had risen to its customary level --that is to say, it was within twenty-three feet of thetop. We put in a little iron pump, one of the firstturned out by my works near the capital; we boredinto a stone reservoir which stood against the outerwall of the well-chamber and inserted a section of leadpipe that was long enough to reach to the door of thechapel and project beyond the threshold, where thegushing water would be visible to the two hundred andfifty acres of people I was intending should be presenton the flat plain in front of this little holy hillock atthe proper time.We knocked the head out of an empty hogshead andhoisted this hogshead to the flat roof of the chapel,where we clamped it down fast, poured in gunpowdertill it lay loosely an inch deep on the bottom, then westood up rockets in the hogshead as thick as theycould loosely stand, all the different breeds of rocketsthere are; and they made a portly and imposing sheaf,I can tell you. We grounded the wire of a pocketelectrical battery in that powder, we placed a wholemagazine of Greek fire on each corner of the roof --blue on one corner, green on another, red on another,and purple on the last -- and grounded a wire in each.About two hundred yards off, in the flat, we built apen of scantlings, about four feet high, and laid plankson it, and so made a platform. We covered it withswell tapestries borrowed for the occasion, and toppedit off with the abbot's own throne. When you aregoing to do a miracle for an ignorant race, you wantto get in every detail that will count; you want tomake all the properties impressive to the public eye;you want to make matters comfortable for your headguest; then you can turn yourself loose and play youreffects for all they are worth. I know the value ofthese things, for I know human nature. You can'tthrow too much style into a miracle. It costs trouble,and work, and sometimes money; but it pays in theend. Well, we brought the wires to the ground at thechapel, and then brought them under the ground tothe platform, and hid the batteries there. We put arope fence a hundred feet square around the platformto keep off the common multitude, and that finishedthe work. My idea was, doors open at 10:30, performance to begin at 11:25 sharp. I wished I couldcharge admission, but of course that wouldn't answer.I instructed my boys to be in the chapel as early as10, before anybody was around, and be ready to manthe pumps at the proper time, and make the fur fly.Then we went home to supper.The news of the disaster to the well had traveled farby this time; and now for two or three days a steadyavalanche of people had been pouring into the valley.The lower end of the valley was become one hugecamp; we should have a good house, no questionabout that. Criers went the rounds early in the evening and announced the coming attempt, which putevery pulse up to fever heat. They gave notice thatthe abbot and his official suite would move in state andoccupy the platform at 10:30, up to which time all theregion which was under my ban must be clear; thebells would then cease from tolling, and this signshould be permission to the multitudes to close in andtake their places.I was at the platform and all ready to do the honorswhen the abbot's solemn procession hove in sight --which it did not do till it was nearly to the rope fence,because it was a starless black night and no torchespermitted. With it came Merlin, and took a front seaton the platform; he was as good as his word for once.One could not see the multitudes banked together beyond the ban, but they were there, just the same.The moment the bells stopped, those banked massesbroke and poured over the line like a vast black wave,and for as much as a half hour it continued to flow,and then it solidified itself, and you could have walkedupon a pavement of human heads to -- well, miles.We had a solemn stage-wait, now, for about twentyminutes -- a thing I had counted on for effect; it isalways good to let your audience have a chance towork up its expectancy. At length, out of the silencea noble Latin chant -- men's voices -- broke andswelled up and rolled away into the night, a majestictide of melody. I had put that up, too, and it was oneof the best effects I ever invented. When it was finishedI stood up on the platform and extended my handsabroad, for two minutes, with my face uplifted -- thatalways produces a dead hush -- and then slowly pronounced this ghastly word with a kind of awfulness whichcaused hundreds to tremble, and many women to faint:"Constantinopolitanischerdudelsackspfeifen machersgesellschafft!"Just as I was moaning out the closing hunks of thatword, I touched off one of my electric connectionsand all that murky world of people stood revealed in ahideous blue glare! It was immense -- that effect!Lots of people shrieked, women curled up and quit inevery direction, foundlings collapsed by platoons. Theabbot and the monks crossed themselves nimbly andtheir lips fluttered with agitated prayers. Merlin heldhis grip, but he was astonished clear down to hiscorns; he had never seen anything to begin with that,before. Now was the time to pile in the effects. Ilifted my hands and groaned out this word -- as it werein agony:"Nihilistendynamittheaterkaestchensspreng ungsattentaetsversuchungen!"-- and turned on the red fire! You should have heardthat Atlantic of people moan and howl when thatcrimson hell joined the blue! After sixty seconds Ishouted:"Transvaaltruppentropentransporttrampelthier treibertrauungsthraenentragoedie!"-- and lit up the green fire! After waiting only fortyseconds this time, I spread my arms abroad andthundered out the devastating syllables of this word ofwords:"Mekkamuselmannenmassenmenchenmoerdermohrenmutter marmormonumentenmacher!"-- and whirled on the purple glare! There they were,all going at once, red, blue, green, purple! -- fourfurious volcanoes pouring vast clouds of radiant smokealoft, and spreading a blinding rainbowed noonday tothe furthest confines of that valley. In the distanceone could see that fellow on the pillar standing rigidagainst the background of sky, his seesaw stopped forthe first time in twenty years. I knew the boys wereat the pump now and ready. So I said to the abbot:"The time is come, Father. I am about to pronounce the dread name and command the spell to dissolve. You want to brace up, and take hold of something." Then I shouted to the people: "Behold, inanother minute the spell will be broken, or no mortalcan break it. If it break, all will know it, for you willsee the sacred water gush from the chapel door!"I stood a few moments, to let the hearers have achance to spread my announcement to those whocouldn't hear, and so convey it to the furthest ranks,then I made a grand exhibition of extra posturing andgesturing, and shouted:"Lo, I command the fell spirit that possesses theholy fountain to now disgorge into the skies all theinfernal fires that still remain in him, and straightwaydissolve his spell and flee hence to the pit, there to liebound a thousand years. By his own dread name Icommand it -- bgwjjilligkkk!"Then I touched off the hogshead of rockets, and avast fountain of dazzling lances of fire vomited itselftoward the zenith with a hissing rush, and burst inmid-sky into a storm of flashing jewels! One mightygroan of terror started up from the massed people --then suddenly broke into a wild hosannah of joy -- forthere, fair and plain in the uncanny glare, they sawthe freed water leaping forth! The old abbot could notspeak a word, for tears and the chokings in his throat;without utterance of any sort, he folded me in his armsand mashed me. It was more eloquent than speech.And harder to get over, too, in a country where therewere really no doctors that were worth a damagednickel.You should have seen those acres of people throwthemselves down in that water and kiss it; kiss it, andpet it, and fondle it, and talk to it as if it were alive,and welcome it back with the dear names they gavetheir darlings, just as if it had been a friend who waslong gone away and lost, and was come home again.Yes, it was pretty to see, and made me think more ofthem than I had done before.I sent Merlin home on a shutter. He had caved inand gone down like a landslide when I pronounced thatfearful name, and had never come to since. He neverhad heard that name before, -- neither had I -- but tohim it was the right one. Any jumble would havebeen the right one. He admitted, afterward, thatthat spirit's own mother could not have pronouncedthat name better than I did. He never could understand how I survived it, and I didn't tell him. It isonly young magicians that give away a secret like that.Merlin spent three months working enchantments totry to find out the deep trick of how to pronounce thatname and outlive it. But he didn't arrive.When I started to the chapel, the populace uncovered and fell back reverently to make a wide wayfor me, as if I had been some kind of a superior being-- and I was. I was aware of that. I took along anight shift of monks, and taught them the mystery ofthe pump, and set them to work, for it was plain thata good part of the people out there were going to situp with the water all night, consequently it was butright that they should have all they wanted of it. Tothose monks that pump was a good deal of a miracleitself, and they were full of wonder over it; and ofadmiration, too, of the exceeding effectiveness of itsperformance.It was a great night, an immense night. There wasreputation in it. I could hardly get to sleep for glorying over it.